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Some people think that young people should choose their profession by themselves. Other believe that their parents choose for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that young people should choose their profession by themselves. Other believe that their parents choose for them. v. 1
< ! --break--> Selecting a profession is indeed a challenging decision for young generation. Some individuals argue that youth should take this decision by their own, while others think that parent should be responsible in selecting their career. In my opinion, youngster of this century are extremely knowledgeable and can decide future endeavors for themselves. To begin with, adults are highly qualified as well as intelligent. Due to their intelligence, they can determine which profession can provide better opportunities and high income in long run. In addition, young people are much aware about the technology, they get pivotal information about businesses and markets via internet which helps them to achieve their professional goal. For instance, a graduate passed from business school utilize the factual information before accepting any job offer. Hence, I think new generation should take decision about their profession. On the flip side, parent gain their experiences with time which are also crucial. They tend to be a mentor and make sure their children earn well by giving them expert advice. This advice helps them in finding best profession among different lucrative offers. For instance, my father encouraged me to find a job in banking sector because he is a financial advisor and this field is highly promising in the future. Therefore, children should get knowledge from their parents based upon their past experiences. In a nutshell, young professionals should take their career decision by their own as they keep update about current trends in economy but also should consult with their parents regarding opting the specific profession. < ! --break-->
Possible spelling mistake found.
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; !
Possible spelling mistake found.
--break--&gt
; Selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is
indeed
a challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for young generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that youth should take this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should be responsible in selecting their career. In my opinion, youngster of this century are
extremely
knowledgeable and can decide future endeavors for themselves.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, adults are
highly
qualified
as well
as intelligent. Due to their intelligence, they can determine which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
can provide better opportunities and high income in long run.
In addition
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are much aware about the technology, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pivotal information about businesses and markets via internet which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to achieve their professional goal.
For instance
, a graduate passed from business school utilize the factual information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
accepting any job offer.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
new generation should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
about their profession.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
gain their experiences with time which are
also
crucial. They tend to be a mentor and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure their children earn well by giving them expert advice. This advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in
A determiner is probably missing here: "finding the best".
finding best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lucrative offers.
For instance
, my father encouraged me to find a job in banking sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is a financial advisor and this field is
highly
promising in the future.
Therefore
, children should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
based upon their
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
.

In a nutshell, young professionals should take their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
update about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends in economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
should consult with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
regarding opting the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&lt
; !
Possible spelling mistake found.
--break--&gt
;
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should choose their profession by themselves. Other believe that their parents choose for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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