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People should follow the custom and tradition when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

People should follow the custom and tradition when people start to live in a new country. v. 1
It is argued that when people move to to a foreign country, they should perform the custom and tradition of the new country. However, I disagree with this opinion, and I believe that people have freedom to decide whether to follow those new custom. To begin with, living in a foreign country should not be a reason for forcing people to establish a local custom or tradition. This is simply because people have their rights to make decisions about what customs they would like to follow. No matter their old customs or the new custom, whatever people choose should be determined by their interests. For example, after living in a foreign country for many years, some migrants still follow the traditions of their original cultures, such as celebrating special festivals and eating traditional foods, which should be respected. It is true that many migrants tend to learn foreign custom and tradition in order to understand local culture and integrate into local communities. By celebrating special events in the new country, people may gain a basic understanding about the history of the surroundings that they are living in. In addition, it also gives them a chance to communicate with local residents and build new social networks. For example, some national holidays, such as the Anzac Day connect people new to the country and citizens, which helps newcomers to develop the sense of belonging in the new country. To conclude, whether to follow the custom and tradition of the new country people move in should depends on their interests and different purposes. Nevertheless, I am convinced that new migrants should not be forced to disregard their own tradition.
It
is argued
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
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country
, they should perform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, I disagree with this opinion, and I believe that
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people
have freedom to decide whether to
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follow
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
custom.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, living in a
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foreign
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country
should not be a reason for forcing
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people
to establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
or
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tradition
. This is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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people
have their rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about what customs they would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
. No matter their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
customs or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
, whatever
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people
choose should
be determined
by their interests.
For example
, after living in a
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foreign
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country
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
migrants
still
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follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of their original cultures, such as celebrating special festivals and eating traditional foods, which should
be respected
.

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
migrants tend to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
and
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tradition
in order to understand
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local
culture and integrate into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities. By celebrating special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
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people
may gain a basic understanding about the history of the surroundings that they are living in.
In addition
, it
also
gives them a chance to communicate with
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local
residents and build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
social networks.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
national holidays, such as the Anzac Day connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and citizens, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
newcomers to develop the sense of belonging in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
country.

To conclude
, whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "depend"
depends
on their interests and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes.
Nevertheless
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
migrants should not
be forced
to disregard their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People should follow the custom and tradition when people start to live in a new country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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