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People should choose one career path throughout their life or people should have various career path. v.1

People should choose one career path throughout their life or people should have various career path. v. 1
In the modern world, most of the people are concerned about their physical fitness. They love to go for trekking on mountains, desert safari, etc. As of result of which, a majority of people visit places where conditions are very difficult. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of visiting such places. On the positive side, visiting places such as the Sahara Desert, amazon jungle, Antartica not only helps in learning survival techniques, but also improves our mental stability. Along with that it improves our knowledge about the resources that are available in the forests and deserts. For instance, Bear Grylls, a famous celebrity from USA, he runs a television show in which he puts himself in difficult conditions and teach us about different ways of surviving. The only disadvantage of visiting such places is that when people visit without any preparation. These places test our physical, mental fitness and a human being should be physically fit in order to survive in such places. It looks easy to survive in a forest, but it becomes pretty hard when all ways seem identical. To sum up, there are many benefits of visiting the Sahara, Antartica etc. One will be able to learn about different techniques of survival and those techniques can come handy anytime. A tragedy can happen to anybody and it does not come with a date, so it would be so helpful if we know how to survive in difficult condition. There is only thing that needs to be taken care while visiting such places, never ever visit a forest without any preparation.
In the modern world, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about their physical fitness. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go for trekking on mountains, desert safari, etc. As of result of which, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where conditions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of visiting such places.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as the Sahara Desert,
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
jungle,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in learning survival techniques,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our mental stability. Along with that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our knowledge about the resources that are available in the forests and deserts.
For instance
, Bear
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grylls
, a
Consider using "celebrity".
famous celebrity
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
, he runs a television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in which he puts himself in difficult conditions and teach us about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of surviving.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantage of visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is that when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit without any preparation. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
our physical, mental fitness and a human being should be
physically
fit in order to survive in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. It looks easy to survive in a forest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it becomes pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
when
Did you mean "always"?
all ways
seem identical.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of visiting the Sahara,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
etc. One will be able to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
techniques of survival and those techniques can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
handy anytime. A tragedy can happen to anybody and it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a date,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful if we know how to survive in difficult condition. There is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that needs to
be taken
care while visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, never ever visit a forest without any preparation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay People should choose one career path throughout their life or people should have various career path. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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