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People say that music is a good way of bringing people of different ages and cultures together. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

People say that music is a good way of bringing people of different ages and cultures together. v. 1
There is currently a contentious argument over whether people of varying traditions and ages could be united through music in a satisfactory manner. Although there are explanations on both sides, I strongly agree that music has a positive influence to achieve these aims because it enables unity and it breaks cultural barriers. Critics of this view assert that tribalism continues to spread despite the popularity of music. A case in point is the xenophobic attacks of Nigerians living in South Africa even though the Artists of these two countries preach cultural tolerance in their music. They also opine that the elderly and the young listen to completely different genres of music. So, ”how can this unite them”? they say. However, I would argue that musicians tend to harmonize people irrespective of age. They appear to let go of their predicaments when this adventure is played not minding their indifferences. A particularly good example is the annual Headies, a music award, where individuals of varying ages, gender, customs are in attendance. As a result, the generational gap is reduced and both the younger and older generation can mingle together. Moreover, should people embrace this artwork, I feel cultural differences would be eliminated. This is because music does not have to be fully understood to pass a message. To illustrate, Fela Kuti, who was a famous Nigerian artist, was invited to perform in Texas in 2000. This particular move broke the jinx between the two countries. Thus, if this work of Art is wholly embraced, it has a tremendous role to play in achieving world peace. In conclusion, even though people have contrary opinions, I completely agree that music can promote harmony and stop cultural discriminations. Only by embracing this precious work of Art can life become worthwhile.
There is
currently
a contentious argument over whether
people
of varying traditions and ages could
be united
through
music
in a satisfactory manner
. Although there are explanations on both sides, I
strongly
agree
that
music
has a
positive
influence to achieve these aims
because
it enables unity and it breaks
cultural
barriers.

Critics of this view assert that tribalism continues to spread despite the popularity of
music
. A case in point is the xenophobic attacks of Nigerians living in South Africa
even though
the Artists of these two countries preach
cultural
tolerance in their
music
. They
also
opine that the elderly and the young listen to completely
different
genres of
music
.
So
,
”how
can this unite them”?
they
say.

However
, I would argue that musicians tend to harmonize
people
irrespective of age. They appear to
let
go of their predicaments when this adventure
is played
not minding their
indifferences
. A
particularly
good
example is the annual
Headies
, a
music
award, where individuals of varying ages, gender, customs are in attendance.
As a result
, the generational gap is
reduced
and both the younger and older generation can mingle together.

Moreover
, should
people
embrace this artwork, I feel
cultural
differences would
be eliminated
. This is
because
music
does not
have to
be
fully
understood to pass a message. To illustrate,
Fela
Kuti
, who was a
famous
Nigerian artist,
was invited
to perform in Texas in 2000. This particular
move
broke the jinx between the two countries.
Thus
, if this work of Art is wholly embraced, it has a tremendous role to play in achieving world peace.

In conclusion
,
even though
people
have contrary opinions, I completely
agree
that
music
can promote harmony and
stop
cultural
discriminations.
Only
by embracing this precious work of Art can life become worthwhile.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People say that music is a good way of bringing people of different ages and cultures together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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