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People prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced ones Why do you think this happens Should the government support local filmmakers financially v.1

People prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced ones Why do you think this happens Should the government support local filmmakers financially v. 1
It is true, that number of teenagers involve in criminal activities across the world, nowadays. The young people with lack of parental guidance, lack of awareness about laws, easy access to drugs and unsupervised time, have more chances to engage in crimes. This essay will discuss about some possible reasons and solutions. To begin with, in many families, both the parents go to work to fulfil the needs. Because of which they do not get enough time to spend time with their children and guide whenever necessary. Moreover, the children lack awareness about the seriousness of crimes and their consequences. In addition to that, students get plenty of time after school hours which make them bored. Furthermore, the illegal drugs are easily available in streets and markets. For example, the daily times published in last month, stated that close to 70 percent of teenagers use illegal drugs. However, there are many solutions to prevent the crimes done by teenagers. Firstly, parents should take some time out of their busy schedule and spend it with their children. This creates an opportunity for parents to guide them in leading a happy life. Secondly, schools should include a subject on criminal laws, for the high school students, which in-turn makes them aware of the consequences of committing crime. Also, schools can introduce a few programs related to skills development, after school hours, so that students get very less or no unsupervised time. Lastly, the local governments should make strict laws to prohibit the sale and use of illegal drugs by the people of all age groups. For example, the crime rate has decreased in Japan after introducing strict laws. To sum up, the increased crime rate of teenagers is because of various reasons and a big concern which needs immediate attention. To prevent this, parents, educational institutions and governments, can take necessary steps as described in this essay.
It is true, that number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
involve in criminal activities across the world, nowadays. The young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with lack of parental guidance, lack of awareness about laws, easy access to drugs and unsupervised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, have more chances to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This essay will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons and solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
go to work to fulfil the needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children and guide whenever necessary.
Moreover
, the children lack awareness about the seriousness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and their consequences.
In addition
to that, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them bored.
Furthermore
, the illegal drugs are
easily
available in streets and markets.
For example
, the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
published in last month, stated that close to 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
illegal drugs.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of their busy schedule and spend it with their children. This creates an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to guide them in leading a happy life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should include a subject on criminal laws, for the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students, which in-turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them aware of the consequences of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can introduce a few programs related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
development, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less or no unsupervised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Lastly
, the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict laws to prohibit the sale and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of illegal drugs by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all age groups.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has decreased in Japan after introducing strict laws.

To sum up, the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various reasons and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern which needs immediate attention. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, educational institutions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, can take necessary steps as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in this essay.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay People prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced ones Why do you think this happens Should the government support local filmmakers financially v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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