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People nowadays work hard to buy more things This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

People nowadays work hard to buy more things This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity v. 2
Nowadays, technology has dominated almost all aspects of human' s lives and it is apparent in individuals' daily routines. WHile we live more comfortabe due to this improvements and progressions in technology, I believe that the convections of each society are treathened. On the one hand, the comfort and easiness that modern life style brings for the residents of the globe should not be understimated. New inventions and achievements in technology and science provide us accessing to more products in the market that assist people to lead a happier and simpler life. Take for example the online shopping which gives the fellows the opportunity to order their indispensable items through internet and consequently they do not have to drive or walk to buy and it will save their time. Furthermore, machines can fulfill some jobs much better than human especially those that need more accuracy and attention. A particular salient example of this is the invention of computer machine which revolutionized the individuals' life style in 1889 and impact their life drastically. On the other hand, the expansion of technology in developing countries influenced people' s life style and traditions in various ways. Firstly, people are reluctant to do some physical activities and they pursue a sedentary life style which will lead to severe health problems such as stroke and heart attacks that are debilitating. Secondly, due to the facilities that technology brings to our lives people make less phone calls and they prefer to send emails or messages to contact with others and this leads to a society in which the residents suffer lack of true communications and brings isolation for people. TO support my claim, I can refer to an article having been published in Times magazine, indicates that the intimacy and closeness among people and particularly the young generation diminish almost 45% in modern life. In conclusion, although technology could bring a large number of benefits to our life, a variety of social traditions and customs are vanished as a result. governments should tackle this problem by taking some steps.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has dominated almost all aspects of
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and it is apparent in
Possible spelling mistake found.
individuals&
#039; daily routines.
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHile
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfortabe
due to
Did you mean "these"?
this
improvements and progressions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, I believe that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
convections
of each society are
Possible spelling mistake found.
treathened
.

On the one hand, the comfort and easiness that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
for the residents of the globe should not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
understimated
. New inventions and achievements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science provide us accessing to more products in the market that assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead a happier and simpler
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Take
for example
the online shopping which gives the fellows the opportunity to order their indispensable items through internet and
consequently
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drive or walk to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and it will save their time.
Furthermore
, machines can fulfill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs much better than human
especially
those that need more accuracy and attention. A particular salient example of this is the invention of computer machine which revolutionized the
Possible spelling mistake found.
individuals&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
in 1889 and impact their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
drastically
.

On the other hand
, the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
influenced
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
and traditions in various ways.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reluctant to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they pursue a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
which will lead to severe health problems such as stroke and heart attacks that are debilitating.
Secondly
, due to the facilities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
less phone
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
calls and
they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
emails or messages to contact with others and this leads to a society in which the residents suffer lack of true communications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
isolation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. TO support my claim, I can refer to an article having
been published
in Times magazine, indicates that the intimacy and closeness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
particularly
the young generation diminish almost 45% in modern life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
benefits to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, a variety of social traditions and customs
are vanished
as a result
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
governments
should tackle this problem by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays work hard to buy more things This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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