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People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.3

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. v. 3
It is thought by some that in this contemporary world, aged people have been suffering a lot while others counter this argument by claiming that as compared to the past, the recent times have brought so much of ease into the life of elders. Both points of view will be discussed in-depth in this essay and will conclude by supporting the first argument. To begin with, it is seen ubiquitously that almost all old people have been struggling hard to cope up with the on-going changes in modern society. Subsequently, this has immensely affected their routine life in coordinating and adapting to the newer challenges they face while interacting with the young generation. Consequently, they start feeling left out and disjointed from the society. Technological advancements, for instance, smartphones, have been developing so rapidly in the 21st century that old people can seldom adjust to ever-changing technologies. Hence, I certainly feel that in these times, it is extremely difficult for aging people to deal with the surrounding culture. Contrary to that, a certain number of people claim that this century has paved the ways to better the life of old ones. One of the welcoming features of this would be the way health issues are being treated. With the support of modern and computerized instruments, many age-related diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and arthritis could be controlled effectively which, ultimately, ease out the pain and make a life better one. This would not have been possible to achieve in the past where the older people did not have an option but to live a painful life. However, in my perspective, this benefit is restricted to a small group of old people and is not worthy in countering the previous viewpoint. In conclusion, although it is claimed that advanced health management for old people has bettered their life, I genuinely believe that it is not the case. Aged people are trying very hard to maintain and manage their life with rapid changes which affect them significantly.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that in this contemporary world, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been suffering a lot while others counter this argument by claiming that as compared to the past, the recent times have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of elders. Both points of view will
be discussed
in-depth in this essay and will conclude by supporting the
first
argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
ubiquitously
that almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been struggling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to cope up with the
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in modern society.
Subsequently
, this has
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in coordinating and adapting to the newer challenges they face while interacting with the young generation.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out and disjointed from the society. Technological advancements,
for instance
, smartphones, have been developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rapidly
in the 21st century that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can seldom adjust to ever-changing technologies.
Hence
, I
certainly
feel that in these times, it is
extremely
difficult for aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to deal with the surrounding culture.

Contrary to that, a certain number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that this century has paved the ways to better the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones. One of the welcoming features of this would be the way health issues are
being treated
. With the support of modern and computerized instruments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
age-related diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and arthritis could
be controlled
effectively
which,
ultimately
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
out the pain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better one. This would not have been possible to achieve in the past where the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not have an option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a painful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, in my perspective, this benefit
is restricted
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and is not worthy in countering the previous viewpoint.

In conclusion
, although it
is claimed
that advanced health management for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
bettered their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I
genuinely
believe that it is not the case. Aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain and manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which affect them
significantly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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