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People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
The last few years have experienced burgeoning growth in the field of communication technology and transportation, which enables people to work and live in any part of the globe. In my opinion, I consider that working in a different country can bring about more advantages for an individual when compared to minor drawbacks that it might bring. Despite the drawbacks mentioned below, I believe that advancement in communication technology and transportation offers definite perks. Firstly, it provides better employment opportunities and thereby helps in the amelioration of a person’s standard of living. Consequently, their children also get access to better amenities so that the future generation is also benefiting. Secondly, people around the world are brought together, which paves the way for them to understand the world better. Distance is no more a barrier for people to reach their heights. Another point to consider is that when people flock to a certain place, to cater to their needs, there would be a development in the basic facilities. Admittedly, when people work and settle abroad, it has some detrimental effects on the society. People seem to be ignorant of the cultural values and instead of serving their own country, they are swayed by the monetary benefits offered by the foreign country. If people move to various parts of the universe, society as a whole becomes increasingly disjointed and fragmented. Moreover, instead of getting care from their grandparents, children of immigrant families are taken care of by babysitters and after-school childcare. To conclude, in my opinion, the benefits of getting employed and settling abroad eclipse the minor drawbacks it brings. People get not only a better job opportunity, but, also a better standard of living with the improvement of communication technology and transportation.
The last few years have experienced burgeoning growth in the field of communication technology and transportation, which enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in any part of the globe. In my opinion, I consider that working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country can bring about more advantages for an individual when compared to minor drawbacks that it might bring.

Despite the drawbacks mentioned below, I believe that advancement in communication technology and transportation offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
perks.
Firstly
, it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
employment opportunities and thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the amelioration of a person’s standard of living.
Consequently
, their children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
amenities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the future generation is
also
benefiting.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world
are brought
together, which paves the way for them to understand the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. Distance is no more a barrier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their heights. Another point to consider is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
flock to a certain place, to cater to their needs, there would be a development in the basic facilities.

Admittedly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work and settle abroad, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects on the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seem to be ignorant of the cultural values and
instead
of serving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country, they
are swayed
by the monetary benefits offered by the foreign country. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to various parts of the universe, society as a whole becomes
increasingly
disjointed and fragmented.
Moreover
,
instead
of getting care from their grandparents, children of immigrant families
are taken
care of by babysitters and after-school childcare.

To conclude
, in my opinion, the benefits of getting employed and settling abroad eclipse the minor drawbacks it brings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
standard of living with the improvement of communication technology and transportation.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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