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People living in large cities face several problems. What are these problems? Should governments encourage them to move to smaller towns? v.1

People living in large cities face several problems. What are these problems? Should governments encourage them to move to smaller towns? v. 1
It is often argued that many people tend to settle down in large cities. People staying in big societies might have some issues and governments persuade them to go suburbans sometimes. This essay will address the problems of staying big cities and why governments suggest people to move to small town. First of all, big-city life affects citizens' health physically and mentally. People may see how complicated large society is particularly when they go to work. For example, many vehicles on the road might pollute city's environment and then it leads people's health badly because traffic jam creates air pollution and it harms people's lungs. Furthermore, population growth becomes busy and loud life so people have to work quickly then they might have so much stress. In other words, they would suffer mental disease such as depression and anxiety so they need to take medication to solve it. Also when they abuse the drugs, their body will be ruined. On the other hand, Government can help inhabitants when it comes to reducing this issue. What the government's suggestion is develop the small communities to move people there. For instance, when council develop tiny cities inhabitants might have more opportunities to get a job because the towns need employees to maintain. Once people are hired jobs there they economy of the cities will increase then people might satisfy their life due to the fact that they are able to enjoy their free time. Moreover, countrysides' air is not bad as the opposition of big city. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that urban has many problems people should consider to live there or not. Council can inspire them in order to improve the quality of life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to settle down in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
staying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
societies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
persuade them to go suburbans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. This essay will address the problems of staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
affects citizens' health
physically
and mentally.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how complicated large society is
particularly
when they go to work.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vehicles on the road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
pollute city's environment and then it leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health
badly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
traffic jam creates air pollution and it harms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lungs.
Furthermore
, population growth becomes busy and loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
quickly
then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In other words
, they would suffer mental disease such as depression and anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need to take medication to solve it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
when they abuse the drugs, their body will
be ruined
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
inhabitants when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to reducing this issue. What the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's suggestion is
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there.
For instance
, when council
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "develops".
develop
tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
inhabitants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the towns need employees to maintain.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hired
jobs there
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they economy
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will increase then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
due to the fact that they are able to enjoy their free time.
Moreover
, countrysides' air is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as the opposition of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that urban has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there or not. Council can inspire them in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay People living in large cities face several problems. What are these problems? Should governments encourage them to move to smaller towns? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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