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People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer v. 1
In the last decade, people started using the internet frequently. Many people use the internet to do shopping or to communicate with other people easily using social media. However, some people think that the use of the internet should be reduced. There are two good reasons why people should use the internet. On the other side, there are also two good reasons for reducing the use of the internet. To begin with, there are two good reasons why people should use the internet. Firstly, people feel comfortable using social media to interact with others from different countries. For example, using the internet can prevent people from using face to face communication which can be stressful for some people. Also, using social media can help people to interact with each other all around the world without the need for travelling which can save money and time. Secondly, people use online shopping because it saves money and time. For instance, online shopping can prevent people from using transportation, which can save a lot of time and as a result, this time could be used to do other things. Besides, the internet can save money because online shopping offers so many discounts that are rarely found in the market. On the other hand, two are good reasons why people should reduce the use of the internet. First, One serious problem that can arise due to using the internet is that it can make people isolated. To illustrate, if people spent a lot of their time using the internet, they won’t find time to see their friends or family. Also, if people spent all of their time on the internet they might only have virtual friends, which can affect their personality in the future. Second, using the internet for online shopping can sometimes be risky and unsafe. For example, the major risk that could harm people when using online shopping websites is hacking credit card information to steal people's money. Furthermore, some online shopping websites can sometimes be scams and risky because they provide a fake review on their products. To conclude, although there are several disadvantages of using the internet, there are several advantages that are worth. In my opinion, using the internet is the best way to communicate and buy things online because it saves money and time.
In the last decade,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using the internet
frequently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
or to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
using social media.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. There are two
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good
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reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, there are
also
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet.
Firstly
,
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people
feel comfortable using social media to interact with others from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
For example
, using the internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using face to face communication which can be stressful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, using social media can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with each
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other
all around the world without the need for travelling which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
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time
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using transportation, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
as a result
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
Besides
, the internet can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
discounts that are rarely found in the market.

On the
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other
hand, two are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.
First
, One serious problem that can arise due to using the internet is that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
isolated. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using the internet, they won’t find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their friends or family.
Also
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have virtual friends, which can affect their personality in the future. Second, using the internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be risky and unsafe.
For example
, the major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that could harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites is hacking credit card information to steal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be scams and risky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide a fake review on their products.

To conclude
, although there are several disadvantages of using the internet, there are several advantages that are worth. In my opinion, using the internet is the best way to communicate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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