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In the past, most people spent their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better? v.1

In the past, most people spent their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better? v. 1
The time people stay with an organisation is gradually changing. While in years back people spent majority of their working as an employee of a company, at present, people tend to be mobile in their career as they now move from one establishment to another. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of staying in a single employment as well as the benefits and drawbacks for changing jobs and give my opinion on which side is better. One one hand, some people prefer to stay with an organisation for their entire working life because of the career growth involved. People who stay with a company, say for over a decade, tend to have a defined career progression as they grow with the company. On the downside, start-up businesses tend to recruit people with divers experience when the business starts expanding. Recent study found that start-up businesses prefer people that have worked in different organisations to join them because of the fresh perspectives such people possessed. On the other hand, there are people who like changing jobs frequently as seen in recent times. One benefit of this is that it expands the horizon of such people as they are more likely to have divers experience in their working life. However, these changes limit career growth as there would be a few track record to measure the career progression of such people hence, making the career move counterproductive. Recent research concluded that it is more beneficial to move between jobs because the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. In conclusion, having considered the benefits and drawbacks for both sides, I think is is better move between jobs as it brings more benefits.
The time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay with an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is
gradually
changing. While in years back
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their working as an employee of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, at present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be mobile in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
from one establishment to another. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of staying in a single employment
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and drawbacks for changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and give my opinion on which side is better.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
One one
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay with an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for their entire working life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
growth involved.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who stay with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, say for over a decade, tend to have a defined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progression as they grow with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. On the downside,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up businesses tend to recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with divers experience when the business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
expanding. Recent study found that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up businesses prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have worked in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fresh perspectives such
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people
possessed.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
frequently
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in recent times. One
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benefit
of this is that it expands the horizon of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they are more likely to have divers experience in their working life.
However
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
growth as there would be a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
record to measure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progression of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hence
, making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
counterproductive. Recent research concluded that it is more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
outweigh the drawbacks.

In conclusion
, having considered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and drawbacks for both sides, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as it brings more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, most people spent their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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