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Nowadays, people always throw old things away and buy new things, whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects does the phenomenon lead do? v.1

Nowadays, people always throw old things away and buy new things, whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects does the phenomenon lead do? v. 1
In recent years, all across the world, it is serious issue that people not use their objects in long times. Also they change easily change new products. In this regard, it would be meaningful to identify how such an issue has occurred and what kind of problems will be arises. To begin with, there are many different factors of this situation. In the first place, public has being easy to buy the new items such as cloths, electronic devices and so on because there are increasing number of factories have existed and built in over the world. Therefore they can provide a large amount of goods to cheap and fast to people. Which make people regard to buy new items better than repair the old item. For example, these day smartphones after service fee is too heavy. so if one’s cellphone was broken down, they buy a new one than fix that. this is because there are a lot of reasonable price of smartphones thanks to large produce by plants. Furthermore, there are a lot of new complex type products. It is never replacement to old any things such as air flyer, robotic vacuum cleaner, dishwashers and so on. This is becoming a trend so people would buy more the more new items. Since this situation is a matter of concern to everyone, its influence is never insignificant. First of all, the environment pollution will be serious. As increasing public demand, the plants would be made more products which people went to change their items. Finally it lead to crucial air pollution and water contamination issues. To illustrate, It is really important problem in China, about fine dust form the factory, which far more will be spread in all around world. In other word, It is really harmful public’s health. People would suffer from lethal disease. Another worth mentioning is that these circumstance are linked by excessive consumption. Moreover, a lot of people will increasingly lose recognize change their items frequently so they don’t have awaken why old goods do repair. In this result people may be able to undergo personal financial problem. In conclusion, various factors have cause related to purchase new objects. It could cause serious problems in our future, so proper action should be taken.
In recent years, all across the world, it is serious issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their objects in long times.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products. In this regard, it would be meaningful to identify how such an issue has occurred and what kind of problems will be
Consider using the past participle "arisen"?
arises
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors of this situation. In the
first
place, public has being easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
such as cloths, electronic devices and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are increasing number of factories have existed and built in over the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they can provide a large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
better than repair the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
.
For example
, these day smartphones after service fee is too heavy.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
if one’s cellphone
was broken
down, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Use "oner" to make a comparison with this adjective.
one
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
that.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasonable price of smartphones thanks to large produce by plants.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
complex type products. It is never replacement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
any things such as air flyer, robotic vacuum cleaner, dishwashers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This is becoming a trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
items.

Since this situation is a matter of concern to everyone, its influence is never insignificant.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the environment pollution will be serious. As increasing public demand, the plants would
be made
more products which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to crucial air pollution and water contamination issues. To illustrate, It is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problem in China, about fine dust form the factory, which far more will
be spread
in all around world. In other word, It is
really
harmful public’s health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would suffer from lethal disease. Another worth mentioning is that these circumstance
are linked
by excessive consumption.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
increasingly
lose recognize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have
Use past participle here: "awakened".
awaken
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
do repair. In this result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be able to undergo personal financial problem.

In conclusion
, various factors have cause related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
objects. It could cause serious problems in our future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
proper action should
be taken
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays, people always throw old things away and buy new things, whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects does the phenomenon lead do? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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