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People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons and suggest solutions for this issue. v.2

People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons and suggest solutions for this issue. v. 2
Nowadays, most people follow a sedentary lifestyle, which makes them lazy and inactive. This will cause several health implications for them in the future. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this phenomenon and suggest some viable measures to solve this problem. To begin with, the sedentary lifestyle is the main cause of health problems. These days people are working on laptops or computers, which allow them to sit in chairs continuously for prolonged hours. Also, people find it hard to allot time for exercises because of their work pressure and shift duties. For instance, people working in night shifts, sleep throughout the entire day without being productive or active. In addition to that, latest technological innovations make people lethargic and depend on the machines blindly. To cite an example, these days people make use of washing machines, dish washers to lessen their burden and also they use lifts or escalators instead of using steps to reach upper floors. These are the causes of the inactive lifestyle followed by people. There are some ways to tackle this problem. One of them is to make people aware of the risks associated with obesity and laziness. Youngsters should be motivated to exercise at least an hour a day by awareness campaigns. Moreover, the governments should build sports centers or parks in every city to encourage their citizens to be active. As a result, people get easier access to these facilities. In conclusion, following an inactive lifestyle and depending more on machines are the major reasons that make people unfit. Their lifestyle can be improved through awareness campaigns and by building more fitness centres.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them lazy and inactive. This will cause several health implications for them in the future. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this phenomenon and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable measures to solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is the main cause of health problems. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working on laptops or computers, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to sit in chairs
continuously
for prolonged hours.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to allot time for exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work pressure and shift duties.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in night shifts, sleep throughout the entire day without being productive or active.

In addition
to that,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technological innovations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lethargic and depend on the machines
blindly
. To cite an example, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of washing machines, dish washers to lessen their burden and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
lifts or escalators
instead
of using steps to reach upper floors. These are the causes of the inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
followed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to tackle this problem. One of them is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with obesity and laziness. Youngsters should
be motivated
to exercise at least an hour a day by awareness campaigns.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should build sports centers or parks in every city to encourage their citizens to be active.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easier access to these facilities.

In conclusion
, following an inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and depending more on machines are the major reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unfit. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
through awareness campaigns and by building more fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons and suggest solutions for this issue. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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