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People in allmodern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss th v.1

People in allmodern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss th v. 1
In the recent times, during college studies, many individuals have started to do work which gives them an opportunity to adjust to the new atmosphere and earn money for them which will be utilized in daily expenses. This is a good idea and I strongly support this notion and supporting arguments are discussed in the below paragraph. To begin with, the foremost beneficial point is that by starting the job during college studies introduce the person in the real world and this will teach them a certain skill which would be utilized in the future part of their life. For example, doing job as a waiter in the hotel teaches them how to welcome the clients and provide them more pleasant atmosphere so they can always try to visit your restaurant. Moreover, there are many people who are doing part time jobs with their studies become more punctual and complete their task beyond the deadlines. This type of characteristics not only welcomed by many of the employers, but also give the opportunity to employees to start their career after the completion of their graduation which offers high incentives. Furthermore, after starting a job which demands some dedication and hard work, people who are working on this would able to get satisfaction after the completion of their work. Even this also grow the self-esteem; this would give them strength to do the hard work. This type of work can also give a chance to earn money as well as confidence. For instance, Research conducted shows that most of the students who involved in the working atmosphere must be able to perform well in their studies because of their dynamic nature compared to those who were not able to focus on their studies also. In conclusion, this type of extra activity which are performed with their studies at the free time helps the students to learn new features and gives money which would become useful. Even after doing this they achieve the experience which would be considered as a more profitable point.
In the recent times, during college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them an opportunity to adjust to the new atmosphere and earn money for them which will
be utilized
in daily expenses. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and I
strongly
support this notion and supporting arguments
are discussed
in the below paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost beneficial point is that by starting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
introduce the person in the real world and this will teach them a certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which would
be utilized
in the future part of their life.
For example
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a waiter in the hotel teaches them how to welcome the clients and provide them more pleasant atmosphere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can always try to visit your restaurant.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
become more punctual and complete their task beyond the deadlines. This type of characteristics not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
welcomed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the employers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the opportunity to employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career after the completion of their graduation which offers high incentives.

Furthermore
, after starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working on this
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfaction after the completion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Even this
also
grow the self-esteem; this would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them strength to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a chance to earn money
as well
as confidence.
For instance
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most of the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
involved in the working atmosphere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to perform well in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their dynamic nature compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were not able to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
also
.

In conclusion
, this type of extra activity which
are performed
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
at the free time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the students to learn new features and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
money which would become useful. Even after doing this they achieve the experience which would
be considered
as a more profitable point.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People in allmodern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss th v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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