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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.7

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7
A museum is an entity that preserves the artifacts of history and works as an important representative of a nation’s tradition and culture. Thus the importance of museums to convey the historical facts to the new generation is beyond controversy. However, there are scopes to discuss whether entry to a museum should be free or not. I personally believe that there should be no charge for the museum entry as charging people for that have more demerits. To begin with, ticket money for museum entrance discourages many students and low-income families to visit them. The collection of large museums increases day by day and thus people need to visit museums on a regular basis, not just once in a lifetime. When people need to spend money to witness history, many of them prefer going to movies instead. Furthermore, museums are mostly run by state funds and like public parks, sea beaches and libraries, they should be free of cost. The main reason museums get public funds is to convey the national history to the young people and to act as a national pride, not to earn from ticket money. From this regards, charging people for visiting museums have far more demerits than an ignorable advantage it offers. Proponents of museum entrance fee believe that the ticket money is necessary for its maintenance while they fail to realise that this cost could easily be covered by the tax payers’ money. Charging these people and their children again is unrealistic. Finally, free entry to the museum would attract more international visitors and spread the cultural uniqueness to the world and thus bring more tourists to a country. If there are charges, tourists would visit more popular places than the museums. To conclude, free entrance to museums have numerous long terms and immediate benefits that far outweigh the single monetary advantage ticket money system has.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is an entity that preserves the artifacts of history and works as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
representative of a nation’s tradition and culture.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to convey the historical facts to the new generation is beyond controversy.
However
, there are scopes to discuss whether entry to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
or not. I
personally
believe that there should be no charge for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
entry as charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for that have more demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
entrance discourages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students and low-income families to visit them. The collection of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
increases day by day and
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
on a regular basis, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
once in a lifetime. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to witness history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them prefer going to movies
instead
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
mostly
run by state funds and like public parks, sea beaches and libraries, they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost. The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
public funds is to convey the national history to the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to act as a national pride, not to earn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. From
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have far more demerits than an ignorable advantage it offers.

Proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
entrance fee believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary for its maintenance while they fail to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that this cost could
easily
be covered
by the tax payers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Charging these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their children again is unrealistic.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entry to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
would attract more international visitors and spread the cultural uniqueness to the world and
thus
bring more tourists to a country. If there are charges, tourists would visit more popular places than the museums.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entrance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have numerous long terms and immediate benefits that far outweigh the single monetary advantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
system has.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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