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People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world? v.3

People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world? v. 3
In this era, it is indisputable that humans have a deficiency in knowledge about the natural environment. Personally, I believe that there are two primary causes leading to this issue, namely poor education and ignorance about nature. Consequently, several measures should be implemented to tackle this problem. First of all, people’s insufficient insight into nature can be attributed to the education system. That recent curriculum puts an excessive emphasis on academic knowledge is undeniable. Students are bombarded with scientific subjects such as mathematics, physics and so on, which are believed to provide them with a better employment prospect. Therefore, they rarely have chances to absorb practical knowledge about their surroundings and wildlife. To address this problem, it is advisable that environmental studies are a compulsory subject at school. Additionally, academic programs should involve field trips to raise students’ consciousness of nature, resulting in their proper actions in the future. Secondly, the inadequacy of attention to the environment is a key factor responsible for this phenomenon. Most people are primarily concerned about issues that bear direct relevance to their life, such as economic prosperity or health care. Furthermore, people now are living under man-made regions of cities and towns, hence problems related to environmental degradation are of little account to them. As a result, citizens are highly recommended to get high exposure to the media about the importance of nature. Environment-associated articles and videos should be frequently and widely produced to provide people with basic knowledge of environmental issues. Moreover, posters with appealing pictures and slogans should be made omnipresent in public areas such as shopping malls or bus stations. In conclusion, not only academic programs, but also the ignorance of humans are underlying reasons for the shortage of insight into nature. My view is that some feasible solutions should be taken to help people learn more about the world around them.
In this era, it is indisputable that humans have a deficiency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the natural environment.
Personally
, I believe that there are two primary causes leading to this issue,
namely
poor education and ignorance about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
Consequently
, several measures should
be implemented
to tackle this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
insufficient insight into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
can
be attributed
to the education system. That recent curriculum puts an excessive emphasis on academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is undeniable. Students
are bombarded
with scientific subjects such as mathematics, physics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which
are believed
to provide them with a better employment prospect.
Therefore
, they rarely have chances to absorb practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about their surroundings and wildlife. To address this problem, it is advisable that environmental studies are a compulsory subject at school.
Additionally
, academic programs should involve field trips to raise students’ consciousness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, resulting in their proper actions in the future.

Secondly
, the inadequacy of attention to the environment is a key factor responsible for this phenomenon. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
primarily
concerned about issues that bear direct relevance to their life, such as economic prosperity or health care.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are living under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made regions of cities and towns,
hence
problems related to environmental degradation are of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
account to them.
As a result
, citizens are
highly
recommended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high exposure to the media about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. Environment-associated articles and videos should be
frequently
and
widely
produced to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of environmental issues.
Moreover
, posters with appealing pictures and slogans should
be made
omnipresent in public areas such as shopping malls or bus stations.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic programs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the ignorance of humans are underlying reasons for the shortage of insight into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. My view is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions should
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn more about the world around them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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