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People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? v.2

People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? v. 2
Computer is set to become an essential feature of the era of technology. People are often confronted with the argument concerning about the impact of widespread computer use on the cognitive and physical development. From my point of view, using computer are likely to bestow both benefits and drawbacks. There is little doubt that excessive use of computer is unarguably detrimental as it can put children in jeopardy in terms of their physical and mental development. Firstly, no sooner are children immersed in computer than they are highly likely to alienate themselves from creative and physical activities and make them indifferent with the real life, leading to a significant drop in their interaction with others. When it comes to health, because of sitting in front of computer screen unmornitoredly, children are able to suffer from deteriorating health such as sight-impaired problems and even worse leading a sedentary lifestyle. Another hazard of using computer is that children are exposed to violent and sexual contents beyond their age due to not filter the flow of information on the internet. This can affect negatively their later lives. However, children can take enormous advantage of computers in many other aspects. Educationally speaking, there is a myriad of educational materials and websites which help students to grasp a particular understanding. Additionally, it is an irrefutable fact that computers, meanwhile, provide an escape for children who experienced the feeling of fatigue and are bombarded with the overloads of assignments and deadlines at school. For example, only by playing online chess do children not only spoil their stress, but also stimulate their cognitive skills and intellectual well-being of children. As a result, it offers children with a balance between campus and off-campus life. In conclusion, healthy and appropriate use of computer is acceptable and stimulating. By giving them ongoing instructions, imposing a limited time on using computers and classing types of contents do children enjoy the tremendous benefits of computers
Computer
is set
to become an essential feature of the era of technology.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
confronted with the argument concerning about the impact of widespread computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on the cognitive and physical development. From my point of view, using computer are likely to bestow both benefits and drawbacks.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt that excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer is
unarguably
detrimental as it can put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in jeopardy in terms of their physical and mental development.
Firstly
, no sooner are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
immersed in computer than they are
highly
likely to alienate themselves from creative and physical activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them indifferent with the real life, leading to a significant drop in their interaction with others. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sitting in front of computer screen
Possible spelling mistake found.
unmornitoredly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to suffer from deteriorating health such as sight-impaired problems and even worse leading a sedentary lifestyle. Another hazard of using computer is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to violent and sexual contents beyond their age due to not filter the flow of information on the internet. This can affect
negatively
their later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can take enormous advantage of computers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other aspects.
Educationally
speaking, there is a myriad of educational materials and websites which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to grasp a particular understanding.
Additionally
, it is an irrefutable fact that computers, meanwhile, provide an escape for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who experienced the feeling of fatigue and
are bombarded
with the overloads of assignments and deadlines at school.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by playing online chess do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spoil their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
stimulate their cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and intellectual well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, it offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a balance between campus and off-campus life.

In conclusion
, healthy and appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer is acceptable and stimulating. By giving them ongoing instructions, imposing a limited time on using computers and classing types of contents do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy the tremendous benefits of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
computers
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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