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the graph shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars and sweets, and carbonated drinks betweem 1978 and 2009 v.1

the graph shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars and sweets, and carbonated drinks betweem 1978 and 2009 v. 1
Increasing popularity of road transport has become a controversial issue in the modern world. People have shown their concern over its increasing threat throughout the world, and my country is no exception. Also, it has given birth to the question whether it has an adverse effect on the rail services or not? This essay will take into consideration both positive and negative effects of such development. On the positive side, First of all, it is considered as the most easily accessible mode of transportation in today's contemporary world. In other words, a huge network of roads is responsible for the movement of individuals and transportations of goods from one part of the country to another in a much convenient manner. Furthermore, it provides door-to-door service. Let us consider huge trucks which are supplying and carrying different commodities of daily needs to the areas where these are present in a limited amount. A particular good example of this is the supply of grains, such as wheat, rice, from states like Haryana and Punjab where these are abundantly available. Also, various bus services are connecting people from remote areas to the urban areas where there are no rail networks. This way, such type of transportation facility is proving helpful in making life easier. In my country, India tremendous amount of traffic is shifting towards roads from the rail. On the downside, it is not suitable for travelling for long distances. Although I certainly agree that by using private vehicles, particularly cars anyone can make their journey smooth, it is not possible for the poor sections of the society who cannot afford to buy private vehicles. Thus they are not left with any options rather than railways. Moreover, excessive vehicles on the roads are creating a havoc in the life of common people. Since it is promoting traffic on roads and eventually the quality of air is also declining at its worse rate. To conclude, despite having certain disadvantages, road transport has definitely an edge over the other. That is why it is becoming popular.
Increasing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transport has become a controversial issue in the modern world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have shown their concern over its increasing threat throughout the world, and my country is no exception.
Also
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
it has an adverse effect on the rail services or not? This essay will take into consideration both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of such development.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is considered
as the most
easily
accessible mode of transportation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's contemporary world.
In other words
, a huge network of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is responsible for the movement of individuals and transportations of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from one part of the country to another in a much convenient manner.
Furthermore
, it provides door-to-door service.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider huge trucks which are supplying and carrying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
commodities of daily needs to the areas where these are present in a limited amount. A particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is the supply of grains, such as wheat, rice, from states like Haryana and Punjab where these are
abundantly
available.
Also
, various bus services are connecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from remote areas to the urban areas where there are no rail networks. This way, such type of transportation facility is proving helpful in making life easier. In my country, India tremendous amount of traffic is shifting towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
from the rail.

On the downside, it is not suitable for travelling for long distances. Although I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that by using private vehicles,
particularly
cars anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their journey smooth, it is not possible for the poor sections of the society who cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
private vehicles.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with any options
rather
than railways.
Moreover
, excessive vehicles on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are creating a havoc in the life of common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Since it is promoting traffic on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and
eventually
the quality of air is
also
declining at its worse rate.

To conclude
, despite having certain disadvantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transport has definitely an edge over the other.
That is
why it is becoming popular.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay the graph shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars and sweets, and carbonated drinks betweem 1978 and 2009 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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