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People getting addicted to other region food rather than local food. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of it. v.1

People getting addicted to other region food rather than local food. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of it. v. 1
World is geting smaller to an extent that local ways of doing things is getting replaced to a more globalised process. Correspondingly, people are more obsessed with cuisines from different regions rather than the native food. This essay will highlight on both advantage and disadvantage of this. Main benefit of obssesion with food from a different land is people tend to become socialised. Because cuisines are inextricably linked to the culture of that place. So, by tasting different cuisines people get an oppurtunity to understand various cultures and world may become more peaceful. For instance, pizzas are originally from Italy but it is liked by people all over the world and Wine is also a part of Italian culture. Furthermore, human body needs different foods which may have vital nutritional values. So, overall people get the benefit of becoming social by consuming food from a different region. However, the major drawback of this is people become negligent about the traditional native cuisine making them vulnerable. Moreover, slowly they tend to forget their local language and culture. In reality, many of the traditional food have become extinct due to people's attitude towards native food and culture. For instance, local people in Africa consumed more of fresh friuts and vegetables traditionally but due to westernisation now they consume more of convinient foods. This has resulted is detrimental effects on the health of people. In conclusion, main advantage of people getting addicted to different food is they get socialised easily with people from different culture. In contrast the major disadvantage is people develop an ignorant attitude towards their native food and culture as well.
World is
Possible spelling mistake found.
geting
smaller to an extent that local ways of doing things is getting replaced to a more
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
process.
Correspondingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more obsessed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cuisines
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
regions
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This essay will highlight on both advantage and disadvantage of this.

Main benefit of
Possible spelling mistake found.
obssesion
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
land is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cuisines
are
inextricably
linked to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of that place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by tasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cuisines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunity
to understand various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and world may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more peaceful.
For instance
, pizzas are
originally
from Italy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is liked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world and Wine is
also
a part of Italian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Furthermore
, human body needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which may have vital nutritional values.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the benefit of becoming social by consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
region.

However
, the major drawback of this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
negligent about the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cuisine
making them vulnerable.
Moreover
,
slowly
they tend to forget their local language and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In reality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
extinct due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Africa consumed more of fresh
Possible spelling mistake found.
friuts
and vegetables
traditionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some nouns that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Westernisation".
westernisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they consume more of
Possible spelling mistake found.
convinient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This has resulted is detrimental effects on the health of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, main advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
easily
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
the major disadvantage is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop an ignorant attitude towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as well
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay People getting addicted to other region food rather than local food. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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