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People face for greater risks in our modern way of life when they did it in there past. How far do you agree or disagree? v.1

People face for greater risks in our modern way of life when they did it in there past. How far v. 1
In this modern era, the international boundaries are no longer a barrier for a person to settle in some other country. Thus, migrant population is proliferating in the recent years. People search for better opportunities overseas and are willing to settle down, resulting in the traditional diversity around the globe. Apparently, every nation has its own customs and traditions followed by its people. Moreover, these customs and traditions create social peace and a better bonding among locals. Supplementarily, some rituals might have an emotional attachment as well for the local people, which, if not followed by the migrants can create animosity. Similarly, understanding the local traditions and following them is a way to show the respect towards people of the host nation. According to the experts, the migrants who learn the overseas customs tend to get bonded with the locals quickly and easily. Furthermore, it is also necessary to understand and learn the local customs as there is a possibility that the rituals that are considered to be sacred in the home country may be banned or can be a considered as ill gesture in the overseas. For instance, in various countries where Hindu is a majority religion, such as India, Nepal to name some, blessing is given by touching the head of a person, whereas it is considered as a heinous act in the Muslim majority countries such as Pakistan, Malaysia. In the nutshell, customs and traditions form a major part of the society and people are usually inclined to be friends with a person having similar beliefs. Therefore, learning the rituals of the other nation is indispensable for a better understanding and bonding of the migrants with the local people. So, in my opinion, people who try to instil the local beliefs have a better chance to entice people of the host country.
In this modern era, the international boundaries are no longer a barrier for a person to settle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrant
population is proliferating in the recent years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities overseas and are willing to settle down, resulting in the traditional diversity around the globe.

Apparently
, every nation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
followed by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, these customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
create social peace and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
bonding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Supplementarily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rituals might have an emotional attachment
as well
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which, if not followed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
can create animosity.
Similarly
, understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and following them is a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the respect towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the host nation. According to the experts, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
who learn the overseas customs tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bonded with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
quickly
and
easily
.

Furthermore
, it is
also
necessary to understand and learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs as there is a possibility that the rituals that
are considered
to
be sacred
in the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may
be banned
or can be a considered as ill gesture in the overseas.
For instance
, in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where Hindu is a majority religion, such as India, Nepal to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, blessing is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by touching the head of a person, whereas it
is considered
as a heinous act in the Muslim majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Pakistan, Malaysia.

In the nutshell, customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
form a major part of the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
inclined to be friends with a person having similar beliefs.
Therefore
, learning the rituals of the other nation is indispensable for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding and bonding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who try to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
beliefs have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance to entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People face for greater risks in our modern way of life when they did it in there past. How far v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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