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People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v.4

People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v. 4
People consume more refined meals than they did many years ago. This is because they lack the time to cook homemade dishes and this could result in excessive weight gain. People tend to eat more processed foods these days than they did in the past because they lack time to prepare homemade meals. Workers are required to resume earlier than they used to because of the competition in the job market. In other words, they need to work longer hours to meet with the demands of the job, thus, depriving them from eating healthy meals. Factory employees, for example, in Nigeria, work up to 16 hours a day with limited time for themselves. Hence, they result to 'can' foods, which are unhealthy, but this was not so in the 1960s. The primary effect of eating refined meals is excessive weight gain. One becomes excessively overweight which could lead to obesity. Processed food contains refined sugars, which if eaten on a regular basis, stores in the body as fat and poses grave danger to the general health and well being of a person. Moreover, It could clog the blood vessels, which could be problematic in the long run. A study carried out in the United States of America in 2015, revealed that about 80 percent of the populace is obese because they eat more refined meals now than they did in the past. In conclusion, people are eating more processed foods than in the previous generation due to lack of time to cook homemade meals and the effect is that many are excessively overweight leading to obesity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
than they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to cook homemade dishes and this could result in excessive weight gain.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to eat more processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
these days than they did in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to prepare homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. Workers
are required
to resume earlier than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the competition in the job market.
In other words
, they need to work longer hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with the demands of the job,
thus
,
The usual collocation for "depriving" is "of" not "them". Did you mean "depriving them of"?
depriving them from
eating healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. Factory employees,
for example
, in Nigeria, work up to 16 hours a day with limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.
Hence
, they result to 'can'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which are unhealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the 1960s.

The primary effect of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
is excessive weight gain. One becomes
excessively
overweight which could lead to obesity. Processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refined
sugars, which
Did you mean "is"?
if
eaten on a regular basis, stores in the body as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and poses grave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to the general health and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a person.
Moreover
, It could clog the blood vessels, which could be problematic in the long run. A study carried out in the United States of America in 2015, revealed that about 80 percent of the populace is obese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they eat more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than they did in the past.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are eating more processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
than in the previous generation due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to cook homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
and the effect is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are
excessively
overweight leading to obesity.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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