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People doing dangerous sports like bungee jumping and scuba diving should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their live people. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

People these days are engaging in adventurous, life threatening sport activities more frequently. It is often argued that one should not depend on rescue operators while participating in these sports and it should be one’s own responsibility. I agree with the argument that everyone’s life is precious and it should not be risked to satisfy another person’s craving for a few moments of adrenaline rush. Firstly, the main reason for sparing rescuers from risking their life is that their job is to save lives of people who get accidentally involved in any mishap and it is not wise to expect them to risk their own life in a bid to save the life of a daredevil who needs nothing but a few minutes of thrill and excitement. Some rescue operations lead to death or permanent disability of these workers and they might be the sole breadwinners of their family, so their bereavement could financially impact their family. Therefore, they should be excused from unnecessarily risking their own lives for the sake of others’ excitement. Another reason to argue that participants are responsible for their own safety is that people are mature enough to take decisions about their life and should use common sense before engaging in these sports. For instance, one should indulge in scuba diving only if swimming is known to them and consider all risks before taking the plunge. Those who still take a chance know the consequences very well and there is no need for another person to try to save them putting their own life at risk. To conclude, people who participate in adventurous activities for thrill and excitement know very well the risks involved. Hence, they are solely responsible for their safety and rescue workers do not have to save them at the expense of their lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days are engaging in adventurous,
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
life threatening
sport activities more
frequently
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that one should not depend on rescue operators while participating in these
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
it should be one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that everyone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
precious and
it should not
be risked
to satisfy another person’s craving for a few moments of adrenaline rush.

Firstly
, the main reason for sparing rescuers from risking their
Did you mean “lives”?
life
is that their job is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accidentally
involved in any
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mishap and
it is not wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a bid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a daredevil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
needs nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few minutes of thrill and excitement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
rescue operations lead to death or permanent disability of these
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workers and
they might be the sole breadwinners of their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their bereavement could
financially
impact their family.
Therefore
, they should
be excused
from
unnecessarily
risking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the sake of others’ excitement.

Another reason to argue that participants are responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take decisions about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
common sense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
engaging in these sports.
For instance
, one should indulge in scuba diving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if swimming
is known
to them and consider all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking the plunge. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
take a chance know the consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well and there is no need for another person to try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them putting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in adventurous activities for thrill and excitement know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved.
Hence
, they are
solely
responsible for their safety and rescue workers do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them at the expense of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

IELTS essay People doing dangerous sports like bungee jumping and scuba diving should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their life to save these people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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