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People can solve important problems in their daily life on their own or with the help from families. The help from the government is no necessary. Agree or disagree v.2

People can solve important problems in their daily life on their own or with the help from families. The help from the government is no necessary. Agree or disagree v. 2
As we are confronting with important problems of ourselves in daily life, I believe in most occasions we solve these problems on our own or by our family. Most of us are educated well and we should handle our own business without the help of the authority. Meanwhile, as we are considering the relationship between individuals and the governments if there are troubles we need to solve in the daily life, the authority in most occasions is the rule maker while not the God who could save us. I will address my view as follows. To begin with, there is an old saying in China that the most integrity official cannot handle family affairs well. It is true that when we solve important problems especially the family issues, both the insiders and outsiders could not perceive the case as a whole. Thus, the family would appreciate the attitude of the government which could help them with nothing. In China, there is a tradition that the adults should adopt their parents who are getting old. While due to the great pressure of the people brought by the rapid development of the society, some of them could not take care with enough time and energy, let alone the money. Then some government officials went to call these people back from the work to adopt their parents. It is ridiculous that if they get back, some of them would lose the job which means they would have no money to survive. Thus I would like to assume that the government would have better not take care of this business which is ruled by the traditional ethics of Chinese. In addition, there are many important problems which could not be solved by the government. Individual progress, for instance, one can not make progress with the help of the government if he does not make any efforts, even if the government offer the opportunity to people of studying for free. As personal progress is one of the most important problems today, it is still the business of ones' own, I saw lots of teenagers dropped out of school which was free for them as a policy of the government, while they still learned nothing except for stealing or robbing in the street which they believe these are more efficient way to be rich. There are lots of news like this on TV in China as the helping the poverty is far enough for the poor people in China, some of them need help in mind instead of the money. Finally, I believe the government as the role make could benefit all the people for public issues while not personal problems. While that does not mean the government could not help people with their own problems which are important to them. If every law and regulation was run well in the country, I believe there will be fewer problems everyone would have to deal with. In all, as educated people, we should handle the business of our own instead of asking the government for help, which I believe is a more mature way to all of us. This is an important attitude we should have.
As we are confronting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of ourselves in daily life, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in most occasions we solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Most of us
are educated
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
well and
we should handle our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the authority. Meanwhile, as we are considering the relationship between individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
if there are troubles we need to solve in the daily life, the authority in most occasions is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
maker while not the God who could save us. I will address my view as follows.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying in China that the most integrity official cannot handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
affairs well. It is true that when we solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues, both the insiders and outsiders could not perceive the case as a whole.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would appreciate the attitude of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them with nothing. In China, there is a tradition that the adults should adopt their parents who are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. While due to the great pressure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
brought by the rapid development of the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them could not take care with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time and energy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the money. Then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
officials went to call these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
back from the work to adopt their parents. It is ridiculous that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them would lose the job which means they would have no money to survive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I would like to assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would have better not take care of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
which
is ruled
by the traditional ethics of Chinese.

In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which could not
be solved
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Individual progress,
for instance
, one can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
if he does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any efforts, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offer the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of studying for free. As personal progress is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, it is
still
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ones&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
dropped out of school which was free for them as a policy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, while they
still
learned nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
stealing or robbing in the street which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
these are more efficient way to be rich. There are lots of news like this on TV in China as the helping the poverty is far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in China,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in mind
instead
of the money.

Finally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as the role
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
could benefit all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for public issues while not personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
that does not mean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to them. If every law and regulation
was run
well in the country, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
there will be fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
everyone would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with.

In all, as educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we should handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instead
of asking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
is a more mature way to all of us. This is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
attitude we should have.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People can solve important problems in their daily life on their own or with the help from families. The help from the government is no necessary. Agree or disagree v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
529 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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