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People can solve important problems by themselves or by their families thus it is almost not necessary to refer to the government v.2

People can solve important problems by themselves or by their families thus it is almost not necessary to refer to the government v. 2
In the past, people solved their problems between family and themselves. As time passes, by emerging leaders in the small societies, leaders had the power to intermediate between people and helped them solve their difficulties. After that, governments have established institutes regarding helping people in dissolve their problems. Contrary to established beliefs that referring to the government when people face with problems is unnecessary, I am of the opinion that government’s recommendations can be productive in solving people’s problems. Giving solution by family based on bias and being valid of government’s helping are the main reasons why I hold this point of view. The first point worth mentioning would be that sometimes having bias pose an obstacle to finding a solution for the problems. In other words, if people refer the family to take their ideas, the family likely will give their opinion with prejudice instead of logical with justice. Consequently, the right solution not only will find but also sometimes problem become more hard and complex. A prime example from my family’s experience may shed some light on this point. Five years ago, my brother and his wife had a problem. They decided to speak with families instead of going the family counselor. The problem was about buying a new house, my brother wanted to be close to his family and his wife desired to be near to her family. Nevertheless, the family not only could not solve the problem but also reinforced their problem because of the prejudice. There is also a more subtle point we must consider. The government has trained some people as an expert in this field. Therefore, they can help people more beneficial and give them many solutions. In the other hand, these institutes related to the government do their job legal and this point is ensured people that solutions are valid and they are in support of the law. For instance, three years ago my uncle and her neighborhood had a disagreement about a wall shared between their houses. They need a lawful solution to solve this problem because their knowledge and power were not enough to take on the problem. As a result, they went an institute dependent to the government and finally they could reach a result and agreement on this issue. All in all, if all the factors contemplated we can reach this conclusion that because government’s recommendations are based on justice and legal; hence, people rely them and government play vital role in dissolving the people’s difficulties.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
solved their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and themselves. As time passes, by emerging leaders in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
societies, leaders had the power to intermediate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them solve their difficulties. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have established institutes regarding helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in dissolve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Contrary to established beliefs that referring to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is unnecessary, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
recommendations can be productive in solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
based on bias and being valid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
helping are the main reasons why I hold this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
worth mentioning would be that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
having bias pose an obstacle to finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
refer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
likely will give their opinion with prejudice
instead
of logical with justice.
Consequently
, the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
become more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and complex. A prime example from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
experience may shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
. Five years ago, my brother and his wife had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. They decided to speak with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
instead
of going the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
counselor. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
was about buying a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, my brother wanted to be close to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and his wife desired to be near to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could not solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reinforced their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the prejudice.

There is
also
a more subtle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has trained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as an expert in this field.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more beneficial and give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
. In the other hand, these institutes related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do their job legal and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is ensured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
valid and
they are in support of the law.
For instance
, three years ago my uncle and her neighborhood had a disagreement about a wall shared between their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. They need a lawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their knowledge and power were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
As a result
, they went an institute dependent to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
finally
they could reach a result and agreement on this issue.

All in all, if all the factors contemplated we can reach this conclusion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
recommendations
are based
on justice and legal;
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "rely on".
rely
them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
play vital role in dissolving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
difficulties.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People can solve important problems by themselves or by their families thus it is almost not necessary to refer to the government v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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