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people believe the society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. However, others argue that there are still some advantages of adverts. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

people believe the society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. However, others argue that there are still some advantages of adverts. v. 2
Surviving in a competitive world, where companies are competing to exceed their rivals by selling more products, advertisement could play the role of a useful asset, helping manufacturers make a profit. Some people observe advertising as a seductive method with no beneficial impact, others, on the other hand, opine that making products public offers a range of plus points. Advertisement causes people to buy unnecessary items. Those who vote against advertising assert that stimulating commercials on television or colourful images of products published on brochures and magazines just persuade buyers to spend a great deal of money on commodities which are not necessarily essential to have. Moreover, opponents believe that the young generation is the main target of the advertising industry, as teenagers are more prone to be a allured by the appearance of the goods more that their usefulness. Therefore, they put a severe pressure on their parents to provide them with products without considering their real value. Turning to the other side of the argument, there are some prominent advantages that adverts can bring. To begin with, publicising goods can promote people’s awareness on the latest products in the market as well as the available promotion events in which companies offer unbelievable discounts on the items. This could be really enticing for potential buyers who eagerly look for a situation making them able to purchase the requirements cheaper. Besides, the emergence of influencer marketing has been a boon to not only producers but also consumers. Goods announced by famous people are more trustable for shoppers to buy since they see known figures reliable. Consequently, this type of advertising makes people decide in a more effective way. To conclude, although the drawbacks of advertisement on people’s lives and financial conditions should not be overlooked, I personally advocate the advertising industry as it alleviates customers’ stress on what would be more worthwhile to them to buy.
Surviving in a competitive world, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are competing to exceed their rivals by selling more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, advertisement could play the role of a useful asset, helping manufacturers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
observe advertising as a seductive method with no beneficial impact, others,
on the other hand
, opine that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
public offers a range of plus points.

Advertisement causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary items. Those who vote against advertising assert that stimulating commercials on television or
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
images of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
published on brochures and magazines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
persuade buyers to spend a great deal of money on commodities which are not
necessarily
essential to have.
Moreover
, opponents believe that the young generation is the main target of the advertising industry, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more prone to be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
allured by the appearance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
more that their usefulness.
Therefore
, they put a severe pressure on their parents to provide them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
without considering their real value.

Turning to the other side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prominent advantages that adverts can bring. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake. 'publicising' is British English.
publicising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness on the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the market
as well
as the available promotion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer unbelievable discounts on the items. This could be
really
enticing for potential buyers who
eagerly
look for a situation making them able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the requirements cheaper.
Besides
, the emergence of influencer marketing has been a boon to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
producers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
consumers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Goods
announced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more trustable for shoppers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
known figures reliable.
Consequently
, this type of advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide in a more effective way.

To conclude
, although the drawbacks of advertisement on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and financial conditions should not
be overlooked
, I
personally
advocate the advertising industry as it alleviates customers’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on what would be more worthwhile to them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay people believe the society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. However, others argue that there are still some advantages of adverts. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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