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People believe that these days there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this? How to improve this? v.2

People believe that these days there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this? How to improve this? v. 2
It is thought by many that there has been a rapid rise in poor attitude and lack of regard shown to others in the society. This is as a result of no parental guidance in the family. One way of tackling this is for parents to guide children in the right direction. One of the significant causes of this problem is the lack of adult control of children. In other words, people who are with kids do not have enough time for their children because of their jobs, and so do not teach their children the right way to behave. For example, the Daily Times newspaper reported that 70% of parents in the UK are busy at the office, and as such are not always around their kids. This means that children left unattended, do not learn the proper way to comport themselves in public. However, a good solution to this problem is that people with young ones should spend more time with the members of their family. That is to say that children should be under constant supervision from older ones in order to help children to avoid learning the wrong method of behaving. For instance, the Vanguard Newspaper stated that 70% of women in China are now quitting their full-time jobs in order to be with their babies. Thus, guardians are encouraged to monitor their wards at all times. In conclusion, people are behaving badly in the community because of lack of adult care. Parents are, therefore, urged to teach their young ones the right path to follow. If this is done, then there will be more respectful people in the world.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there has been a rapid rise in poor attitude and lack of regard shown to others in the society. This is
as a result
of no parental guidance in the family. One way of tackling this is for parents to guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the right direction.

One of the significant causes of this problem is the lack of adult control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are with kids do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their jobs, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do not teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the right way to behave.
For example
, the Daily Times newspaper reported that 70% of parents in the UK are busy at the office, and as such are not always around their kids. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended, do not learn the proper way to comport themselves in public.

However
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to this problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should spend more time with the members of their family.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be under constant supervision from older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to avoid learning the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
method of behaving.
For instance
, the Vanguard Newspaper stated that 70% of women in China are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
quitting their full-time jobs in order to be with their babies.
Thus
, guardians
are encouraged
to monitor their wards at all times.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are behaving
badly
in the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of adult care. Parents are,
therefore
, urged to teach their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
the right path to follow. If this
is done
, then there will be more respectful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay People believe that these days there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this? How to improve this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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