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Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situarion? How to improve it? v.1

Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situarion? How to improve it? v. 1
Most of the people's argue that unsocial behavior is increasing day by day and people are becoming disrespectful towards others. The primary cause of this phenomenon is the structure of the family and advancement in technology. The most viable solution is to educate their young about this issue. Many people are living in loneliness and now families are not nuclear. This is due too immense work pressure and parents not having enough time to check their children's activities or talk to them. So, youngsters and teenagers spend most of their time on social media. Therefore, they don't have any real communication as they are only engaged in messaging. Furthermore, In their loneliness, they start consuming drugs and alcohol, which contribute to anti-social behavior. Even, if someone tries to advise them then they show very less respect towards them. For example, A local survey carried out by a welfare society reveals that 96% working parents feel that their kids are having anti social behaviour habits. A long term solution to this predicament is to educate youngsters about the dangers of overusing the internet, less interacting with others and consuming more drugs. Moreover, children in schools could be taught how to behave politely with others as well as parents should spare some time with their children and talk to them. Additionally, they can share their experiences and tell them about right and wrong. For instance, a school children in Germany taught about the consequences of bad behaviour and overuse of the internet which results in kids sitting in groups and there is a notable increase in behaviour politeness. To conclude, people start behaving in such a way due to lack of basic upbringing. So, the children must be taught that good behaviour and respect for others is the only key to live a better life.
Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's argue that unsocial behavior is increasing day by day and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming disrespectful towards others. The primary cause of this phenomenon is the structure of the family and advancement in technology. The most viable solution is to educate their young about this issue.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in loneliness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
families are not nuclear. This is due too immense work pressure and parents not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their children's activities or talk to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, youngsters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend most of their time on social media.
Therefore
, they don't have any real communication as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
engaged in messaging.
Furthermore
, In their loneliness, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
consuming drugs and alcohol, which contribute to anti-social behavior. Even, if someone tries to advise them then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less respect towards them.
For example
, A local survey carried out by a welfare society reveals that 96% working parents feel that their kids are having
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
habits.

A long term solution to this predicament is to educate youngsters about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of overusing the internet, less interacting with others and consuming more drugs.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in schools could
be taught
how to behave
politely
with others
as well
as parents should spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and talk to them.
Additionally
, they can share their experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them about right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
For instance
, a school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Germany taught about the consequences of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and overuse of the internet which results in kids sitting in groups and there is a notable increase in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
politeness.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
behaving in such a way due to lack of basic upbringing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and respect for others is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situarion? How to improve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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