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People attend school for many reasons for example expanded knowledge social awareness and enhanced interpersonal relationships Why do you think people decide to go to school v.2

People attend school for many reasons for example expanded knowledge social awareness and enhanced interpersonal relationships Why do you think people decide to go to school v. 2
Schools have always been considered as a temple to get education, explore human nature and to develop our personality, and the tradition of going there has been continuing for many decades. Personally, I believe that educational institutions are attended by many people to gain an awareness about society and to get a better idea of human nature. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will be explaining in the following essay. First of all, we meet many new people in colleges, so the more persons we meet, the better knowledge we have about human behavior. We many come across many other students in school, they might be in same age group or different, some of them will become our friend while some become enemy. Consequently, after completion of school, we come to know that which people will benefit us, who will cheat us and also, we develop our own ways of solving our own problem. My own experience is a compelling example of this. Before joining school, I was quite shy to make new friends and hesitated to talk to new people. Also, I was in the habit of trusting any person, until the time I turned fourteen. I chose subjects that were different to that of my friend circle and I was put in a completely different class. I felt very sad and was not able to make even one friend after staying there for eight months. Suddenly I met two boys who used to make a lot of fun of me and I used to cry a lot. But I handled that situation and at the end of year, I had a small friend circle which kept on expanding. If I would not have joined school, I would never have become stronger or know that the negativity of people. Secondly, every school organizes lots of co-curricular activities for their students, and most of them even give certificates to every participant. Every institute organizes some competitions, events, farewell, alumni night etc to make the life of children more interesting. As a result, the personality of students develops, the events in which they have taken part can add some weight to their resume and most importantly, we make memories that are going to stay with us till the end. For instance, during the last two to three years of my school, I was very enthusiastic in taking part in every competition and events. I gave science Olympiad in which I got a very nice rank and my teacher praised me in front of the whole class. I can add that achievement in my resume that can impress the recruiter. Apart from this, I even organised farewell for my seniors, and in that whole organizing period I made some new friends and many memories. In conclusion, I strongly think that awareness towards society is the agenda of why people choose going to school. This is because, it enhances our knowledge about human nature and because, it helps in developing our personality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
have always
been considered
as a temple to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
education, explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
nature and to develop our personality, and the tradition of going there has been continuing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades.
Personally
, I believe that educational institutions
are attended
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain an awareness about society and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
nature. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will be explaining in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in colleges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the more persons we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, the better knowledge we have about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
behavior. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they might be in same age group or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them will become our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
become enemy.
Consequently
, after completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know that which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will benefit us, who will cheat us and
also
, we develop our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways of solving our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problem. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I was quite shy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and hesitated to talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, I was in the habit of trusting any person, until the time I turned fourteen. I chose subjects that were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to that of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
circle and
I
was put
in a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sad and was not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
even one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
after staying there for eight months.
Suddenly
I met two boys who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fun of me and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cry a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I handled that situation and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of year, I had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on expanding. If I
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I would never have become stronger or know that the negativity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
organizes lots of co-curricular activities for their students, and most of them even give certificates to every participant. Every institute organizes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
competitions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, farewell, alumni night etc to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the life of children more interesting.
As a result
, the personality of students develops, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in which they have taken part can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weight to their resume and most
importantly
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
memories that are going to stay with us till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
For instance
, during the last two to three years of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastic in taking part in every competition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. I gave science Olympiad in which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice rank and my teacher praised me in front of the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that achievement in my resume that can impress the recruiter. Apart from this, I even
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organise' and 'organize') within a single text.
organised
farewell for my seniors, and in that whole organizing period I made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
memories.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that awareness towards society is the agenda of why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to go".
going
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it enhances our knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
nature and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in developing our personality.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay People attend school for many reasons for example expanded knowledge social awareness and enhanced interpersonal relationships Why do you think people decide to go to school v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
503 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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