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Religion should be taught in public schools Discuss this statement giving reasons and examples to support your opinion v.2

Religion should be taught in public schools Discuss this statement giving reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 2
Schools have had the responsibility of train their students in no less than a perfect and many of them have their own methodology to do so, some try to teach religion while some try to teach innovation, some try to teach culture while some teach modernity. Personally, I believe that public schools should not spend their time and effort in teaching religion. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will be explaining in the following essay. First of all, religions has always divided and in most of the cases has affected the unity among people. There might be students who will be having some different belief and they will, most probably not agree with the study of religion taught inside class, so this will certainly bring out differences among children. People belonging from varied community are bound to have dissimilar thoughts and beliefs. One religion might teach some different way pf perceiving surroundings and human beings, while some other will have their own way. Consequently, this has always affected the overall growth of the nation and have paved the path of destruction and violence. For instance, India has people from different religions, caste, creed, communities etc. which are presently living in a peaceful state. But in the seventeenth and eighteenth century this country had to suffer a lot due to this diversity. Europeans like Britishers, Portuguese etc were able to control this country because all the kingdoms of varied religions were constantly fighting with each other, due to this they exploited India and satisfied their own demands. In the year 1947, India lost major part of its land as Pakistan got seperated from it and the reason behind this was also, religion differences. If different religions would not have existed, India would have been in a much better state. And this same impact can be found in classrooms of schools, who wish to teach religion. Secondly, schools were created to impart education to children and they should not divert away from their main agenda. Teaching religion is not a part of academics and will never help students in job opportunities or in career. Instead of this, some classes could be organized related to some physical activity or meditation, which will actually be very beneficial for students. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was in my middle school, we had to take one subject, not related to academics as a part of art education. The subjects were yoga, skating, religion education etc. I chose yoga and my friend chose religion education. Later on, I went to many competitions related to yoga, which added weight to my resume and became popular in school. While there were no competitions organised for religion studies, my friend felt bored in that class, and after some months this subject was omitted from Art education. In conclusion, I strongly disagree that college should include the study regarding religion in their course for students. This is because it will not give birth to differences of beliefs and thoughts among children and because, schools were supposed to impart knowledge to students that can help them in future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
have had the responsibility of train their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in no less than a perfect and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
methodology to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
innovation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
culture while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
modernity.
Personally
, I believe that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not spend their time and effort in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will be explaining in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
has always divided and in most of the cases has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the unity among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. There might be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who will be having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
belief and
they will, most
probably
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
taught inside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this will
certainly
bring out differences among children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
belonging from varied community
are bound
to have dissimilar thoughts and beliefs. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
way pf perceiving surroundings and human beings, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
Consequently
, this has always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
overall
growth of the nation and have paved the path of destruction and violence.
For instance
, India has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
, caste, creed, communities etc. which are
presently
living in a peaceful state.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the seventeenth and eighteenth century this country had to suffer a lot due to this diversity. Europeans like Britishers, Portuguese etc were able to control this country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the kingdoms of varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
were
constantly
fighting with each other, due to this they exploited India and satisfied their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
demands. In the year 1947, India lost major part of its land as Pakistan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperated
from it and the reason behind this was
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
differences. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
would not have existed, India would have been in a much better state. And this same impact can
be found
in classrooms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, who wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
religion.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
were created
to impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should not divert away from their main agenda. Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
is not a part of academics and will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in job opportunities or in career.
Instead
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes could
be organized
related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activity or meditation, which will actually be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. When I was in my middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, we had to take one subject, not related to academics as a part of art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The subjects were yoga, skating,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
etc. I chose yoga and my friend chose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Later on, I went to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
competitions related to yoga, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
weight to my resume and became popular in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. While there were no competitions
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organise' and 'organize') within a single text.
organised
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
studies, my friend felt bored in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
months this subject
was omitted
from Art education.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disagree that college should include the study regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
in their course for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will not give birth to differences of beliefs and thoughts among children and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
were supposed
to impart knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Religion should be taught in public schools Discuss this statement giving reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
525 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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