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If you could meet any famous person living or dead who would you choose to meet What would you tell him her Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

If you could meet any famous person living or dead who would you choose to meet What would you tell him her Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Meeting a celebrity has always been a craze among public and normal people do not let any chance go by of meeting any famous person. If I would get any chance to meet any known personality, I would certainly meet Daniel Jacob Radcliffe. He started his career as a child artist, working in every part of Harry Potter series. I feel like meeting this celebrity for some special reasons that I will be explaining in the following essay. First of all, his previous films have become popular in every country and now he has become an international actor. It would actually be a honour for me to take his autograph and have a picture with him. Secondly, he is a fan of India and it`s celebrities. I belong from India and give a huge respect to those well-known people, who respect my country. Last but not the least, there are many things that are similar between him and me, like we both are cricket fans and we both love the famous Indian cricketer, Sachin Tendulkar. I still remember how I used to cut his photographs from newspaper, magazines and daily used to stalk his social media accounts. I even tried sending him a few messages, if in case I get a reply. I always remembered his birthday and sometimes celebrated his birthday with my friends. Along with this I have even kept some of the gifts for him, when I was young, just in case I would get a chance to meet him, then I will give him those presents. If I would meet Daniel Radcliffe on any day, I have already pre-planned what I will be asking him. I will very first take his autograph and would take a photograph with him, which will always remind me of him in the future. Then I will present some flowers to him, followed by an Indian snack, which I will be making on my own. I will first ask about his address and then request him to accept my requests on all social media accounts. After this, I will try to get an idea on how many films he is presently working on, how much he earns and will discuss about his likes and dislikes. Followed by this, I will try to enquire more about his family, friends, recent arguments etc. I will even write a letter, which will explain how desperate I was to meet him, and will hand it to him before leaving. Finally I will request him to give me his phone number and come to my home and have a dinner with my family and I. To sum up, it has always been my greatest desire to meet Daniel Radcliffe, person who made my childhood and teenage awesome by his films. I am looking forward to meet this international celebrity soon and explore more about his interests regarding India.
Meeting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
has always been a craze among public and normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
any chance go by of meeting any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person. If I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
any known personality, I would
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Daniel Jacob Radcliffe. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his career as a child artist, working in every part of Harry Potter series. I feel like meeting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special reasons that I will be explaining in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, his previous films have become popular in every country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he has become an international actor. It would actually be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
for me to take his autograph and have a picture with him.
Secondly
, he is a fan of India and
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "it's" or "it’s".
it`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. I belong from India and give a huge respect to those well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who respect my country. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that are similar between him and me, like we both are cricket
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fans and
we both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian cricketer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
. I
still
remember how I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
his photographs from newspaper, magazines and daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to stalk his social media accounts. I even tried sending him a few messages, if in case I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reply.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
always remembered his birthday and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
celebrated his birthday with my friends. Along with this I have even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
gifts for him, when I was young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in case I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him, then I will give him those presents.

If I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Daniel Radcliffe on any day, I have already
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-planned
what I will be asking him. I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
take his autograph and would take a photograph with him, which will always remind me of him in the future. Then I will present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flowers to him, followed by an Indian snack, which I will be making on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I will
first
ask about his address and then request him to accept my requests on all social media accounts. After this, I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
films he is
presently
working on, how much he earns and will
Did you mean simply "discuss his"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about his
likes and dislikes. Followed by this, I will try to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
more about his family, friends, recent arguments etc. I will even write a letter, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how desperate I was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him, and will hand it to him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
leaving.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I will request him to give me his phone number and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to my home and
When we speak of types of meals, the article is not required: "have dinner".
have a dinner
with my family and I.

To sum up, it has always been my greatest desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Daniel Radcliffe, person who made my childhood and teenage awesome by his films. I am looking forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and explore more about his interests regarding India.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay If you could meet any famous person living or dead who would you choose to meet What would you tell him her Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
482 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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