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People attend graduate courses for different reasons. Why do you think people attend graduate courses. Provide reasons and appropriate examples to support your reasons v.2

People attend graduate courses for different reasons. Why do you think people attend graduate courses. Provide reasons and appropriate examples to support your reasons v. 2
Education is considered as a basic need in today’s world. With increasing thirst for knowledge there has been an everlasting increase in the number of students who pursue undergraduate and graduate courses. The latter seeing an increasing trend in recent times. There are many people who still believe there is no need to waste the money spent on higher education. But I would like to contradict from their view and provide the following reasons why a college graduation is important and what students generally expect when they graduate from college. First and the most basic reason why people generally attend graduate college is to expand their knowledge and gain the required skill set. For example, consider a student who pursued his under graduation in Computer Science. S/he would have obtained a basic knowledge about Computer Science. But in order to go deeper into the subject and expand his skill-set a graduate course is what he chooses. Sure many may raise an objection to this. In today’s world, when most of the information is readily available on the Internet, a graduate course is not the only way to go about this. However, many choose this path because of various reasons like preference to class based teaching, a responsibility they carry forward into the course etc. The second important reason why generally people attend a graduate course is to find better jobs. After all, no knowledge is worth if it doesn’t help them to leave peacefully. For example, consider a student who hasn’t obtained a job of his dreams after his under graduation. He continuous to study further in hope of getting a better job. According to many of the job posting websites like monster. com, indeed etc; this fact is supported. As it is evident from these statistics that the rate of graduates hiring is better than rate of non-graduate hiring. People might also argue that a person who doesn’t have basic skills won’t be able to get a job even if he pursues a graduation course. Although it is true, but we are looking at extra time and dedicated effort of an individual to gain the required skills and that creates a better chance to succeed. In conclusion, people generally choose to pursue graduation in order to expand their knowledge, skill set, find better jobs etc; There are various other reasons why an individual might choose to do it. But in my point of view, these are the most important reasons for a student to graduate.
Education
is considered
as a
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basic
need in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. With increasing thirst for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
there has been an everlasting increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursue undergraduate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. The latter seeing an increasing trend in recent times. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
believe there is no need to waste the money spent on higher education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I would like to contradict from their view and provide the following
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reasons
why a college
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graduation
is
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important
and what
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students
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generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
when they
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graduate
from college.

First
and the most
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basic
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reason
why
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generally
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
college is to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and gain the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set.
For example
, consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursued his under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
in Computer Science. S/he would have obtained a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about Computer Science.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in order to go deeper into the subject and expand his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-set a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is what he
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chooses
. Sure
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
raise an objection to this. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, when most of the information is
readily
available on the Internet, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to go about this.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
this path
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
like preference to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
based teaching, a responsibility they carry forward into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
etc.

The second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
After all
, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is worth if it doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
peacefully
.
For example
, consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hasn’t obtained a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of his dreams after his under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
.
It seems that a verb is missing after "He". Please verify.
He
continuous to study
further
in hope of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
posting websites like monster.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
,
indeed
etc; this fact
is supported
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is evident from these statistics that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
hiring is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than rate of non-graduate hiring.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might
also
argue that a person
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who
doesn’t have
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basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
won’t be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even if he pursues a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. Although it is true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we are looking at extra time and dedicated effort of an individual to gain the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and that creates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance to succeed.

In conclusion
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
in order to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set, find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
etc; There are various other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why an individual might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to do it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my point of view, these are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
72Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay People attend graduate courses for different reasons. Why do you think people attend graduate courses. Provide reasons and appropriate examples to support your reasons v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
416 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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