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People argue that team sports should be a part of the school timetable for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

People argue that team sports should be a part of the school timetable for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. v. 2
Engaging in a physical activity at school provides children a meaningful experience. Some people think that group sports should be included in the study program rather than sports which do not involve team play. I agree with the above idea as group sports not only enhance children's physical strength but also improve their communication and interpersonal skills. This essay will explain the reasons why I think group sports are beneficial for school children. Team sports such as football and basketball are more enjoyable compared to individual exercises because students can share feelings such as joy and sadness, and share the experience with peers during the activity. This is beneficial for boosting a sense of belonging, consequently increasing children's self-esteem, if they were acknowledged by their team members. In addition, interpersonal and communication skills will be developed as it involves close interactions with other players. Thus, children can spend enjoyable time playing group sports whilst attaining critical skills, and not to mention, their fitness level increases. On the other hand, some individual sports such as swimming and running are also important. Swimming is an important ability to protect one's life. If someone cannot swim, it will limit leisure activities. Moreover, running is one of the easiest ways of keeping fit as it will not require any equipments and other players, therefore, many adults choose this sport. Nonetheless, these sports can be practiced alone, and it is better focused on group sports at school, because it will be hard to engage in these activities once they have graduated school. In conclusion, while I agree that individual sports are beneficial for children to equip with some useful skills, I believe that group sports contribute more to the development of physical strength and communication skills, therefore school should actively include group sports as a part of the curriculum.
Engaging in a physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides children a meaningful experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be included
in the study program
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which do not involve team play. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance children's physical strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children.

Team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football and basketball are more enjoyable compared to individual exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students can share feelings such as joy and sadness, and share the experience with peers during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. This is beneficial for boosting a sense of belonging,
consequently
increasing children's self-esteem, if they
were acknowledged
by their team members.

In addition
, interpersonal and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
be developed
as it involves close interactions with other players.
Thus
, children can spend enjoyable time playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
whilst attaining critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and not to mention, their fitness level increases.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as swimming and running are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Swimming is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ability to protect one's life. If someone cannot swim, it will limit leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Moreover
, running is one of the easiest ways of keeping fit as it will not require any equipments and other players,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults choose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Nonetheless, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be practiced
alone, and it is better focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to engage in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
once they have
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
school.

In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial for children to equip with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
contribute more to the development of physical strength and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
actively
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a part of the curriculum.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay People argue that team sports should be a part of the school timetable for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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