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People argue that team sports should be a part of the school timetable for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

People argue that team sports should be a part of the school timetable for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. v. 1
Sport is the most important part of life. Some people prefer having sports period during the school studies while, others like to have it an individual part of life. However, I strongly agree that sports should be part of the daily school routine is more beneficial. Admittedly, there are numerous benefits of having sport periods in between other subjects. Firstly, students would feel exhausted if there will be no sports or entertainment during the whole week. Usually the periods in schools are comprised of forty minutes each and if there will be no sports activity, the students may feel irritated and as a result, students might not be able to concentrate and give their maximum output in studies. For example, children these days have different days in their time table such as colour day, sports day or cricket periods along with normal routine. Hence, it is compulsory to add sports or other relating activities in order to keep students active and devoted towards their studies. Moreover, keeping sports individually will not be useful, as it would be time consuming and would require long day to perform such activities one by one. Not only this but also there is a high chances that student who do not take interest in sports will be absent on such day which will disturb consistency towards school routine. For instance, the school annual schedules have one or two maximum sports week in a whole year rather sport days every week to avoid disturbance in student’s routine. Thus it is more beneficial having short periods of sport along with studies. In conclusion, sports is playing widely these days in every school on a daily or weekly basis but I totally agree with having sports with the daily time table in order to maintain children interest in the studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies while, others like to have it an individual part of life.
However
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be part of the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
is more beneficial.

Admittedly
, there are numerous benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
in between other subjects.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would feel exhausted if there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or entertainment during the whole week.
Usually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are comprised
of forty minutes each and if there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may feel irritated and
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might not be able to concentrate and give their maximum output in studies.
For example
, children these days have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
days in their time table such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
day or cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
along with normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
.
Hence
, it is compulsory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or other relating activities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
active and devoted towards their studies.

Moreover
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
individually
will not be useful, as it would be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and would require long day to perform such activities one by one. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there is a high chances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who do not take interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will be absent on such day which will disturb consistency towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
annual schedules have one or two maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
week in a whole year
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
days every week to avoid disturbance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is more beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
along with studies.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is playing
widely
these days in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
on a daily or weekly basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with the daily time table in order to maintain children interest in the studies.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay People argue that team sports should be a part of the school timetable for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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