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People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. v. 4
Nowadays, advertising is becoming one of the unavoidable parts of the modern life with the appearance of commercials being everywhere from physical advertisement such as flyer, brochure, magazine and newspaper to digital one known as pop-up ads on website, banners on the social networks. Although it is undeniable that those bring some benefits for consumers in providing about different products, I am an advocate for the statement that advertising makes an impact on people’s lives. It is the fact that commercial businesses create the advertisement for the only purpose, boosting their sales. To reach this target, firstly, they may use commercials with pretty images and attractive descriptions for their products. The appearance of celebrities or successful people featuring with their products aims to persuade people that buying them will make them happier, although sometimes it is not necessary and useful. The companies may exaggerate their product’s features to make people think that they have to purchase for using immediately. For example, many of dairy companies indicate that calcium in their milk helps children grow taller, therefore, there is a growing belief in many parents that their children only need to drink milk to be taller. Unfortunately, they do not know that some researches have shown that milk do not provide nutrients adequately for children aged more than 2 years old. Secondly, to approach the enormous number of people, companies advertise their products through many mediums such as radio, magazines, billboards, the Internet, newspapers, and most popularly, movies & television that degrades urban landscape, annoys the Internet users and disturbs TV audience. I doubt that you will be angry and tired if you see and watch the same ads of one product in all mediums for a long time. Thirdly, to search for potential consumers, the information of people may be collected from social networks for the advertising purpose. Therefore, for instance, the data of Facebook users have been always collected and analyzed for advertising, in other words, the user privacy have been attempted and private information is in a high risk for leakage. In general, advertising is likely a monster disturbing people’s mind and having many negative effects as well as some benefits so that it should be regulated and consumers should be more smarter.
Nowadays, advertising is becoming one of the unavoidable parts of the modern life with the appearance of commercials being everywhere from physical advertisement such as flyer, brochure, magazine and newspaper to digital one known as pop-up ads on website, banners on the social networks. Although it is undeniable that those bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for consumers in providing about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, I am an advocate for the statement that advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

It is the fact that commercial businesses create the advertisement for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
purpose, boosting their sales. To reach this target,
firstly
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
commercials with pretty images and attractive descriptions for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The appearance of celebrities or successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
featuring with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
aims to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that buying them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is not necessary and useful. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may exaggerate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product’s
features to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for using immediately.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of dairy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
indicate
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
calcium
in their milk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children grow taller,
therefore
, there is a growing belief in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to drink milk to be taller. Unfortunately, they do not know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches have shown that milk do not provide nutrients
adequately
for children aged more than 2 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Secondly
, to approach the enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mediums such as radio, magazines, billboards, the Internet, newspapers, and most
popularly
, movies
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; television that degrades urban landscape, annoys the Internet users and disturbs TV audience. I doubt that you will be angry and tired if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the same ads of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in all mediums for a long time.

Thirdly
, to search for potential consumers, the information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be collected
from social networks for the advertising purpose.
Therefore
,
for instance
, the data of Facebook users
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'have' and 'been'.
have been always
collected and analyzed for advertising,
in other words
, the user privacy have
been attempted
and private information is in a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for leakage.

In general
, advertising is likely a monster disturbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it should
be regulated
and consumers should be
Use only "smarter" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more smarter
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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