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People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. v. 1
In recent decades, a majority of countries have experienced a growing popularity of advertisements due to their benefits. However, it is commonly considered by some that advertising exerts detrimental effects on individuals. Although I concede that advertising has some favourable aspects, I am more convinced that its drawbacks outweigh its benefits. On the one hand, I suppose that there are positive impacts of advertisements. Firstly, commercials provide useful basic information of products, including their functions, characters and other additional feature, which might help them make the right decision. Admittedly, consumers could hardly know whether or not they should purchase items if they were not given any information about items. Therefore, companies regard advertising campaigns as one of the most effective ways to introduce new products to customers. Secondly, advertising can potentially make a contribution to the development of an economy. Obviously, an increasing number of commodities are sold since consumers are attracted by advertisements. When the rate of consumption is likely to rise, businesses can possibly upgrade their infrastructure and sell products on a considerable scale, such progress will undoubtedly help expand the market to a more widely accessible range of customers. On the other hand, I do believe that advertisements bring many negative influences. The main disadvantage is that they usually exaggerate the quality of commodities, so the public has been increasingly apathetic to advertisements because of the misleading information about a product they may contain. Such details provided by commercials can raise people’s expectations that cannot in fact be lived up to. It is alleged that nowadays, the majority of people lose their trust on advertising because advertisements often deliberately overstate the function of items, especially luxurious ones. Another unfavourable aspect is that youngsters often cope with financial difficulties when they spend much money on buying products that are advertised by their idols. It is a matter of fact that many companies co-operate with a variety of celebrities to catch the youth’s attention who believe that sharing the same items with idols brings some special meanings. In conclusion, I would restate that advertising has both merits and demerits so individuals need to think carefully about buying items based on only advertisements.
In recent decades, a majority of countries have experienced a growing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
due to their benefits.
However
, it is
commonly
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that advertising exerts detrimental effects on individuals. Although I concede that advertising has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
aspects, I am more convinced that its drawbacks outweigh its benefits.

On the one hand, I suppose that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Firstly
, commercials provide useful basic information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, including their functions, characters and other additional feature, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision.
Admittedly
, consumers could hardly know
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
if they were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
any information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
regard advertising campaigns as one of the most effective ways to introduce new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to customers.
Secondly
, advertising can
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to the development of an economy.
Obviously
, an increasing number of commodities
are sold
since consumers
are attracted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. When the rate of consumption is likely to rise, businesses can
possibly
upgrade their infrastructure and sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on a considerable scale, such progress will
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
expand the market to a more
widely
accessible range of customers.

On the other hand
, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences. The main disadvantage is that they
usually
exaggerate the quality of commodities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the public has been
increasingly
apathetic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the misleading information about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they may contain. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
provided by commercials can raise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s expectations that cannot in fact be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
up to. It
is alleged
that nowadays, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their trust on advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
deliberately
overstate the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
,
especially
luxurious ones. Another
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
aspect is that youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cope with financial difficulties when they spend much money on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
are advertised
by their idols. It is a matter of fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
co-operate with a variety of celebrities to catch the youth’s attention who believe that sharing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
with idols brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special meanings.

In conclusion
, I would restate that advertising has both merits and demerits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
individuals need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
about buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
based on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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