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Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. v. 2
Indubitably, education is essential to be able to live meaningfully. That is the general notion. Some people argue that student should stay in compulsory education until the age of 18. I completely agree with this statement. This essay will critique both aspects and in ensuring paragraphs with pertinent examples. To embark with, The most important reason for making school education mandatory for all students is the potential professional opportunities it offers. This is because the majority of the skilled jobs require a minimum level of education, which could only be achieved if one stays in school till the age of eighteen. For instance, professional subjects like engineering, medicine, law and management cannot be learnt in primary school. Hence, it is necessary to stay in school for a longer period of time, if one wants to learn these skills. Of course, there are some students who are not good at academics and they may want to build a career in other fields which require vocational training. However, it is not necessary for them to drop out because most schools now impart vocational training as well along with core subjects. For example, a student who wants to become a carpenter can join the apprentice course and continue to learn his academic subjects. In other words, there is no need to drop out of school to obtain vocational skills. What’s more, high school education will make it easier for them to survive in the real world when they enter their adulthood. In conclusion, I firmly believe that schooling should be mandatory till the age of eighteen as it provides many future opportunities which cannot be ignored unless there are some specific benefits to dropping out.
Indubitably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
meaningfully
.
That is
the general notion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should stay in compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
until the age of 18. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will critique both aspects and in ensuring paragraphs with pertinent examples.

To embark with, The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
mandatory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the potential professional opportunities it offers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of the skilled jobs require a minimum level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
if one stays in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
till the age of eighteen.
For instance
, professional subjects like engineering, medicine, law and management cannot be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
, it is necessary to stay in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for a longer period of time, if one wants to learn these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
academics and
they may want to build a career in other fields which require vocational training.
However
, it is not necessary for them to drop out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
impart vocational training
as well
along with core subjects.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who wants to become a carpenter can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the apprentice course and continue to learn his academic subjects.
In other words
, there is no need to drop out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to obtain vocational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. What’s more, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for them to survive in the real world when they enter their adulthood.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that schooling should be mandatory till the age of eighteen as it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
future opportunities which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
unless there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific benefits to dropping out.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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