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People are getting married and having their children in their thirty's rather than in young age. Do you think its positive or negative development. v.2

People are getting married and having their children in their thirty's rather than in young age. Do you think its positive or negative development. v. 2
Nowadays, mindset of youth has been changed in regards of family planning. Young generation tends to have their babies once they are thirty years old. In my opinion, this trend is significant for our society as this development is helpful in child care. To begin with, planning a family is consider as a huge responsibility for parents. Every mom and dad tend to provide all facilities to his child for his personality development. All these necessities can be fulfill only if parents are financially well and in most of the cases this is possible in later stage of life. I remember, my uncle blessed with a baby when he was 35 years old and was passed through the challenges that an individual face in early stage of his career and now enjoying parenthood. In addition, lifestyle of people has been changed due to globalization. After the marriage, it takes time for couples to establish a strong relationship which is necessary in sharing the responsibilities. Once such relationship establishes, a child can have adequate attention from mother and father. As a result, a strong bond develops in the family. For example, as per the survey recently conducted by times of india parents who divide the responsibilities in daily household work are living happily with their children. In a nutshell, this is highly important for parents to plans their kids after becoming financially stable and mature enough to take the responsibilities of family. This trend indeed gives highly qualified and well-mannered children to society.
Nowadays, mindset of youth has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning. Young generation tends to have their babies once they are thirty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. In my opinion, this trend is significant for our society as this development is helpful in child care.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, planning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
as a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Every mom and dad tend to provide all facilities to his child for his personality development. All these necessities can be
Consider using the past participle "fulfilled"?
fulfill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
financially
well and in most of the cases this is possible in later stage of life. I remember, my uncle blessed with a baby when he was 35 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
was passed
through the challenges that an individual face in early stage of his career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
enjoying parenthood.

In addition
, lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to globalization. After the marriage, it takes time for couples to establish a strong relationship which is necessary in sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
. Once such relationship establishes, a child can have adequate attention from mother and father.
As a result
, a strong bond develops in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, as per the survey recently conducted by times of
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who divide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
in daily household work are living
happily
with their children.

In a nutshell, this is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to plans their kids after becoming
financially
stable and mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This trend
indeed
gives
highly
qualified and well-mannered children to society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People are getting married and having their children in their thirty's rather than in young age. Do you think its positive or negative development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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