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Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. v. 2
Technology plays a vital role in the lives of every human being. There are plenty of enhancements have been done in the field of technology which have improved the working style of employees. While certain people believe that advancements in technology make the life of people more easier, others opine that disadvantages of this trend are more significant. One the one hand, it has been claimed that latest technology is highly useful for labor due to several reasons. First of all, technology is helpful in increasing the production of manufacturing units. Latest machinery automate the manual work which subsequently produce more products in less time. For instance, throughput of CNC machines is significantly high as compare to manual worker. Secondly, automatic machinery is computer based and preserve the high accuracy rate. As a result, quality of product is always beyond expectation. Moreover, It reduces the human efforts and provide the comfortable environment. On the other hand, there are several disadvantages for workforce. Firstly, technology increases the unemployment rate. If we look back in the past, most of work was manual which required many workers to complete. Due to this, very less people were unemployed and had a quality of life. Secondly, threat to the lives of workers has been increased with the inventions of automatic machinery. As per report published by union agency in India, there is a rapid increase in fatal injuries due to malfunctioning of robotic machinery since 2010. In conclusion, although latest trends in technology helps a worker in his day to day activities and reduce his manual efforts, safety measures should be apply in order to avoid injuries. Also, I believe that latest technology is pivotal to maintain the demand and supply and its drawbacks having less weightage as compared.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
plays a vital role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of every human being. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of enhancements have
been done
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the working style of employees. While certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
, others opine that disadvantages of this trend are more significant.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, it has
been claimed
that latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
highly
useful for labor due to several reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is helpful in increasing the production of manufacturing units.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Latest".
Latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
automate the manual work which
subsequently
produce more products in less time.
For instance
, throughput of CNC machines is
significantly
high as compare to manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
.
Secondly
, automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
is computer based and preserve the high accuracy rate.
As a result
, quality of product is always beyond expectation.
Moreover
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the human efforts and provide the comfortable environment.

On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages for workforce.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
increases the unemployment rate. If we look back in the past,
Consider using "most work" or "most of the work".
most of work
was manual which required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to complete. Due to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were unemployed
and had a quality of life.
Secondly
, threat to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
has
been increased
with the inventions of automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
. As per report published by union agency in India, there is a rapid increase in fatal injuries due to malfunctioning of robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
since 2010.

In conclusion
, although latest trends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
in his
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
his manual efforts, safety measures should be
Consider using the past participle "applied"?
apply
in order to avoid injuries.
Also
, I believe that latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is pivotal to maintain the demand and supply and its drawbacks having less weightage as compared.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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