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In some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home To what extent do you agree or disagree Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

In some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
A few countries are suffering from an increasing number incidents of shooting because many people possess guns at their home. In my opinion, I believe that easy access to weapons encourages its utilization but local surrounding also plays a crucial role. To begin with, laws which allow keeping firearms are the key reason behind its increasing usage because of its easy accessibility; people do not even have second thought before firing it. Even though, the governments license it for individual security purposes, it creates more harm than good. Besides, there are a lot of situations where it could have been handled well if a gun was not there in the picture. Take for an example where a kid in the USA used a shotgun to teach a lesson to a bully and ended up killing him. Even mindset of people is getting too violent these days due to excessive exposure to video games, such as Counter strike that is totally based on killing people. Thus, laws should be made strict to discourage its usage. However, Guns are not always to blame because sometime times it’s the surrounding environment and upbringing that also plays key role in producing criminal minds. For example, social discriminating culture, especially racism, often encourages people towards anti-social activities. There are countries with the highest gun possession but still with the lowest crime rate, such as Iceland where a person have to justify its every usage. So, authorities should ensure training regarding the consequences of weapon usage before handing gun to their citizen. In conclusion, unrestricted access to firearms contributes a lot to increase in fatal shootings but surrounding atmosphere plays its role too. In the future, situation will only get worse if it is not restricted with strict rules.
A few countries are suffering from an increasing number incidents of shooting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at their home. In my opinion, I believe that easy access to weapons encourages its utilization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
local surrounding
also
plays a crucial role.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, laws which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
keeping firearms are the key reason behind its increasing usage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its easy accessibility;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even have second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
firing it.
Even though
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
license it for individual security purposes, it creates more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Besides
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
situations where it could have
been handled
well if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
was not there in the picture. Take for an example where a kid in the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a shotgun to teach a lesson to a bully and ended up killing him. Even mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is getting too violent these days due to excessive exposure to video games, such as
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Counter strike
that is
totally
based on killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, laws should
be made
strict to discourage its usage.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Guns
are not always to blame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sometime times it’s the surrounding environment and upbringing that
also
plays key role in producing criminal minds.
For example
, social discriminating culture,
especially
racism,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards anti-social activities. There are countries with the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
possession
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
with the lowest crime rate, such as Iceland where a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
justify its every usage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, authorities should ensure training regarding the consequences of weapon usage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
handing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
to their citizen.

In conclusion
, unrestricted access to firearms contributes a lot to increase in fatal shootings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
surrounding atmosphere plays its role too. In the future, situation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse if it is not restricted with strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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