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People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v.6

People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6
It is the reality that the population are obsessed with the advanced network and cell phones in today's complex society. While there are some drawbacks of these latest improvements. I believe that these disadvantages are outweighed by the advantages. On the one hand, the overusing of these facilities could lead to the adverse effects. To begin with, it directly influences the youngsters by distracting them from their lessons. As children are exposed using the various gadgets a great deal of time, they are more likely to ignore their homeworks. To the certain extent, another concerning issue is caused by neglecting the reading. To be more specific, since people have an easier access to the improved devices, they avoid spending time for the paper books. Consequently, the literacy problems arise in the community. On the other hand, the benefits of the technological period ought to be highlighted. The underlying point is that the using of the internet in a proper way might possibly lead to the self-improvement. Even if some people are not able to study at the university, they obtain an opportunity to be improved by the online resources. For example, some of the university professors' lectures have been shared which might provide uneducated individuals with the useful knowledge. Additionally, the internet access prevents the members of society to waste their time on not necessary things, such as doing the shopping or paying the bills. A good example of it is the possibility of paying the costs and purchasing things by the online portals. As a result, the people's some commitments have been facilitated. In conclusion, while the drawbacks of the extreme usage of the devices ought not to be denied, there are immense benefits of the internet and the cell phones that have made our lives easier.
It is the reality that the population
are obsessed
with the advanced network and cell phones in
today
's complex society.
While
there are
some
drawbacks of these latest improvements. I believe that these disadvantages
are outweighed
by the advantages.

On the one hand, the overusing of these facilities could lead to the adverse effects. To
begin
with, it
directly
influences the youngsters by distracting them from their lessons. As children
are exposed
using the various gadgets a great deal of time, they are more likely to
ignore
their
homeworks
. To the certain extent, another concerning issue
is caused
by neglecting the reading. To be more specific, since
people
have an easier access to the
improved
devices, they avoid spending time for the paper books.
Consequently
, the literacy problems arise in the community.

On the other hand
, the benefits of the technological period ought to
be highlighted
. The underlying point is that the using of the internet
in a proper way
might
possibly
lead to the self-improvement. Even if
some
people
are not able to study at the university, they obtain an opportunity to be
improved
by the online resources.
For example
,
some of the
university professors' lectures have
been shared
which might provide uneducated individuals with the useful knowledge.
Additionally
, the internet access
prevents
the members of society to waste their time on not necessary things, such as doing the shopping or paying the bills. A
good
example of it is the possibility of paying the costs and purchasing things by the online portals.
As a result
, the
people
's
some
commitments have
been facilitated
.

In conclusion
, while the drawbacks of the extreme usage of the devices ought not to
be denied
, there are immense benefits of the internet and the cell phones that have made our
lives
easier.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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