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Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both aspects give Your Own opinion v.1

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. 1
Living in a healthy lifestyle is a vital need for everyone. To stay fit and fine for that, a few people give more preference to join the gyms and health clubs. However, others perceive that following persistent everyday workout are enough to keep our immunity strong and healthy. Therefore, I would discuss both aspects of the statement and the later with my own opinion. Now a days there are a number of sports which are provided in the health clubs, people can choose whichever sport they want to do to make themselves fit and healthy, especially when all these activities come under expert supervision or well trained coaches. Moreover, they can get free suggestions regarding their well-being and diet from the trainers, but only after paying good amount of money for membership card. These kind of facilities or workouts only possible for the individual, who agree to follow their instructions strictly, who do not feel any difficulty to change their daily routine or eating habits and one can able to pay for all charges. On the opposing side, everyday activities are well sufficient to keep the body healthy by following certain activity like climbing stairs instead of using the elevator. If the body maintains these routines reluctantly then, they do not need to spend their money on fitness clubs. These activities are also echoed friendly like if they give more importance to walking for short distance work rather than using a vehicle, with this we can alleviate air and noise pollution to some extend. In addition, jogging in the park provides fresh air and beautiful nature view and to the other side, running on treadmills only comes with the smell of sweat. To sum up above arguments, everyday activities are more affordable because by following them the human can save his time, money and the environment too.
Living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle is a vital need for everyone. To stay fit and fine for that, a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give more preference to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the gyms and health clubs.
However
, others perceive that following persistent everyday workout are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our immunity strong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Therefore
, I would discuss both aspects of the statement and the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a days there are a number of sports which
are provided
in the health clubs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can choose whichever sport they want to do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
,
especially
when all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under expert supervision or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
coaches.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free suggestions regarding their well-being and diet from the trainers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after paying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money for membership card.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of facilities or workouts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible for the individual, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to follow their instructions
strictly
, who do not feel any difficulty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their daily routine or eating habits and one
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
pay for all charges.

On the opposing side, everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are well sufficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
by following certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like climbing stairs
instead
of using the elevator. If the body maintains these routines
reluctantly
then, they do not need to spend their money on fitness clubs. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
also
echoed friendly like if they give more importance to walking for short distance work
rather
than using a vehicle, with this we can alleviate air and noise pollution to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
.
In addition
, jogging in the park provides fresh air and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
nature view and to the other side, running on treadmills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the smell of sweat.

To sum up above arguments, everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more affordable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by following them the human can save his time, money and the environment too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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