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Paying all workers the same salary in a company promotes harmony and respect amongst colleagues To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Paying all workers the same salary in a company promotes harmony and respect amongst colleagues v. 1
The rising traffic congestion and pollution have been a rising concern countries. Although, some people believe that increasing petrol prices could be a solution. In my view, this is not the best solution. To begin with, there are various demerits by increasing the petrol costs. By increasing the fuel cost, this would lead to increase the prices of other commodities. To illustrate, most of the food travels from to farms to the cities, the increase of fuel will increase the transportation cost. The same will be added to the price of food. In addition, by increasing the cost it will not encourage all individuals to commute by public transportation. The choice of commuting has various factors such as comfort of an individual, which would not unchanged even after the fuel price is increased. However, we are aware of the high pollution levels. Most of the same is produced by industries. The government intervention is needed to set rules and measures which can reduce the contamination of air to a great extend. The government can also help in working towards building electric cars, which could help in reducing the pollution problem. To illustrate, Japan in 2015 has introduced electric cars, which has become a favourable commute option for a number of citizens. This has led to a decrease of 15% in the pollution level in the city. To conclude, increasing the price of petrol cannot solve the traffic congestion and pollution problems. The government intervention on strict rules for the industries can reduce pollution to a great extent. Also by spending money on innovation of electric cars can further reduce the pollution levels.
The rising traffic congestion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
have been a rising concern countries.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
petrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
could be a solution. In my view, this is not the best solution.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various demerits by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the petrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
, this would lead to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of other commodities. To illustrate, most of the food travels from to farms to the cities, the increase of fuel will increase the transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. The same will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of food.
In addition
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
it will not encourage all individuals to commute by public transportation. The choice of commuting has various factors such as comfort of an individual, which would not unchanged even after the fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is increased
.

However
, we are aware of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
levels. Most of the same
is produced
by industries. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention
is needed
to set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and measures which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the contamination of air to a great
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in working towards building electric cars, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
problem. To illustrate, Japan in 2015 has introduced electric cars, which has become a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
commute option for a number of citizens. This has led to a decrease of 15% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
level in the city.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of petrol cannot solve the traffic congestion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
problems. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention on strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for the industries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
to a great extent.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
by spending money on innovation of electric cars can
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
levels.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Paying all workers the same salary in a company promotes harmony and respect amongst colleagues v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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