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Part-time job is beneficial for young people. Do you agree or disagree with the statement. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

Part-time job is beneficial for young people. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
Nowadays, relying too much on private cars is becoming increasingly serious in many nations. Although it threatens many societies, its negative effects can also be combated successfully. This essay will look at some of the problems caused by over-reliance on private cars on society, and proposes some solutions to the problems. Extremely depending on cars triggers multiple issues. First, using many private cars accelerates traffic congestion. In other words, when the number of cars surges, traffic congestion occurs more frequently. Consequently, people waste lots of time on being stuck in traffic, even for hours in huge cities. Secondly, excessive dependence on private cars for transportation aggravates environmental problems. In fact, cars emit an enormous amount of greenhouse gases. As a result, climate change and global warming cannot be mitigated when there is a climb in the numbers of private cars. As over-reliance on private cars for travelling introduces several negative impacts on human beings, governments and societies should take steps to tackle the problems. The first measure should be rising taxes on private cars, so fewer citizens can afford the prices of cars. Therefore, fewer people use cars for transport. For instance, my brother would like to buy a car as main means of transport. However, after he realized that the price of a car in Vietnam is much higher than in many western countries, he decided to use buses for less financial burden. In addition, education is another effective approach to mitigate the issues. People should be aware of the negative effects that privates cars have on the environment so that they will avoid using cars. In conclusion, excessively driving cars can cause many troubles to societies, including an escalation in traffic congestion and more severe environmental issues. Although the problems cannot be entirely eliminated in the short term, governments can impose heavier taxes on cars and educate citizens about the negative influences of using private cars to reduce the effects.
Nowadays, relying too much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is becoming
increasingly
serious in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. Although it threatens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects can
also
be combated
successfully
. This essay will look at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by over-reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, and proposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to the problems.

Extremely
depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
triggers multiple issues.
First
, using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
accelerates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.
In other words
, when the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
surges,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion occurs more
frequently
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
waste lots of time on
being stuck
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
, even for hours in huge cities.
Secondly
, excessive dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for transportation aggravates environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
emit an enormous amount of greenhouse gases.
As a result
, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and global warming cannot
be mitigated
when there is a climb in the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
cars.

As over-reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for travelling introduces several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts on human beings,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
should take steps to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The
first
measure should be rising taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fewer citizens can afford the prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Therefore
, fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for transport.
For instance
, my brother would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
as main means of transport.
However
, after he realized that the price of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in Vietnam is much higher than in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western countries, he decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
buses for less financial burden.
In addition
, education is another effective approach to mitigate the issues.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should be aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
privates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have on the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will avoid using cars.

In conclusion
,
excessively
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
troubles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, including an escalation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and more severe environmental issues. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
cannot be
entirely
eliminated in the short term,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can impose heavier taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and educate citizens about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influences of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the effects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Part-time job is beneficial for young people. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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