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968 describe a song or a piece of music you likeyou should saywhat the song or music iswhat kind of song or music it iswhere you first heard itand explain why you like it. v.1

968 describe a song or a piece of music you likeyou should saywhat the song or music iswhat kind of song or music it iswhere you first heard itand explain why you like it. v. 1
Due to the globalization, people are trying to become a multilingual. However, some intellectual opine that a child should have to learn the second language in an elementary school not in a junior school. As per my opinion, there are many advantages of this change compare to disadvantages. The essay will discuss that with arguments in below paragraphs. To begin with, the predominant merit to learn a new language at an early stage is that a pupil having a more grasping capacity. They can do a lot of practise of it during their free time. Moreover, the disciple, having no fear of using that language in their communication. Although, they will always try to use it and never think about mistakes they are doing, this will help them in later future. For example, by introducing this type of language in the early school make a child aware about the different section of the world, even they try to explore new things. On the other hand, there are few detrimental points affecting the person if we inculcate a new language in a primary school. The first demerit is that sometimes a child can use a mix of the two languages. This will create a problem in their development as they never try to communicate with others. Furthermore, providing an information about the globe will attract them. As a result, a juvenile can try to use a second language in their communication. However, never use their native language. For instance, Research conducted shows that if this type of routine grows than some elder have felt that a child will forget their own mythology. In conclusion, there are many positive points which outweigh the negative ones. As by learning a second language in an early stage student can get several opportunities and get enough time to focus on an important subject in a secondary school.
Due to the globalization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are trying to become
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a multilingual
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "intellectuals"?
intellectual
opine that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in an elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
not in a junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. As per my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
compare to disadvantages. The essay will discuss that with arguments in below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant merit to learn a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at an early stage is that a pupil having a more grasping capacity. They can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
of it during their free time.
Moreover
, the disciple, having no fear of using that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their communication. Although, they will always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about mistakes they are doing, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in later future.
For example
, by introducing this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
aware about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
section of the world, even they try to explore new things.

On the other hand
, there are few detrimental points affecting the person if we inculcate a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in a primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The
first
demerit is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a mix of the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. This will create a problem in their development as they never try to communicate with others.
Furthermore
, providing an information about the globe will attract them.
As a result
, a juvenile can try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their communication.
However
, never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For instance
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that if this type of routine grows than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elder have felt that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mythology.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points which outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones. As by learning a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in an early stage student can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
several opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to focus on an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject in a secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay 968 describe a song or a piece of music you likeyou should saywhat the song or music iswhat kind of song or music it iswhere you first heard itand explain why you like it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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