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Parents usually mothers stay at home to look after their family People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that Do you agree or disagree v.2

Parents usually mothers stay at home to look after their family People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that v. 2
Women often deprioritize their careers for raising their children or taking care of elder people at home. Some people believe that the government should financially assist those women as a reward. I strongly oppose the idea as this will adversely affect the economy and demotivate working women class. I shall elaborate my stance with valid arguments and examples in the following paragraphs. To begin with, providing some sort of monetary assistance to the women staying home will put a tremendous burden on the economy. Countries like India and Pakistan are already struggling to fight against major issues such as poverty and food supply, this approach will add an extra financial burden. According to the recent research of the UN, poverty ratio in the developing countries has doubled as compared to the past decade. Thus, the government should focus on eradicating bigger problems rather than providing unemployment allowance to mothers. To elucidate my stance further, the initiative of awarding housewives will bring demotivation among working women. Those women are struggling hard to keep a balance with house chores and office tasks. They would be inclined to sit at home and receive allowances instead of going out and making any effort to earn money. Eventually, the government would end up paying all stay-home-mothers. For instance, there are many families in the UK and USA that take unemployment allowance from the government over false medical reasons. This idea will encourage people to stay at home more and earn less. To summarize, the idea of financially assisting mothers is not rational from any aspect. The government can assist these mothers in the form of insurance or free medical. The government should also encourage housewives to invest their spare time in online jobs and earn money while staying at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake found.
deprioritize
their careers for raising their children or taking care of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
financially
assist those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as a reward. I
strongly
oppose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as this will
adversely
affect the economy and demotivate working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I shall elaborate my stance with valid arguments and examples in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of monetary assistance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
staying home will put a tremendous burden on the economy. Countries like India and Pakistan are already struggling to fight against major issues such as poverty and food supply, this approach will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
an extra financial burden. According to the recent research of the UN, poverty ratio in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
has doubled as compared to the past decade.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on eradicating bigger problems
rather
than providing unemployment allowance to mothers.

To elucidate my stance
further
, the initiative of awarding housewives will bring
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
among working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are struggling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores and office tasks. They would
be inclined
to sit at home and receive allowances
instead
of going out and making any effort to earn money.
Eventually
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up paying all stay-home-mothers.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families in the UK and USA that take unemployment allowance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
over false medical reasons. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay at home more and earn less.

To summarize
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
financially
assisting mothers is not rational from any aspect. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can assist these mothers in the form of insurance or free medical. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
encourage housewives to invest their spare time in online jobs and earn money while staying at home.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents usually mothers stay at home to look after their family People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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