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Some people think that children perform better in a single sex school compared to a mixed school To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that children perform better in a single sex school compared to a mixed school v. 1
By the blessing of the modern technologies in the developed countries, high class professionals such as doctors and teachers are moving towards the developed nations for their work purposes. There are lots of problems behind this. In this essay, I will discuss the problems and possible solutions how to eradicate these issues. Firstly, up-to-date facilities is only available in richer countries where lots of investors both government and private organizations invest their money for research which is currently unavailable or restricted in poorer countries. As a consequence, teachers and doctors pursue their higher study or intend to work in the developed countries. Secondly, the structures of the poor wages are another reason behind these issues. Developing countries offer a less attractive salary for all the professionals comparing to the developed countries. Although they have to pay large amount of tax on the basis of their salary, but they love to stay such type of countries because of their life standard facilities. To address these issues, first of all government must come forward to motivate the researchers and doctors to stay in their host countries by increasing the lab facilities. A large amount of the budget must be fixed for these type of sectors. Secondly, a standard salary structure would be prepared so that they would not go to developed countries for maintaining their standard living style. Moreover, world class academicians would be appointed in these sectors so that they ensure an up-to-date higher study environment. To conclude, the major problems for the professionals to go abroad continuously because of the lack of facilities and wages where these issues must be addressed with the help of both governmental and non-governmental organizations to come forward and work together by installing the modern facilities and incorporating proper salary in the future.
By the blessing of the modern technologies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
professionals such as doctors and teachers are moving towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
nations for their work purposes. There are lots of problems behind this. In this essay, I will discuss the problems and possible solutions how to eradicate these issues.

Firstly
, up-to-date facilities is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available in richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where lots of investors both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private organizations invest their money for research which is
currently
unavailable or restricted in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As a consequence, teachers and doctors pursue their higher study or intend to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Secondly
, the structures of the poor wages are another reason behind these issues. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
offer a less attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for all the professionals comparing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay large amount of tax on the basis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to stay such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their life standard facilities.

To address these issues,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to motivate the researchers and doctors to stay in their host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by increasing the lab facilities. A large amount of the budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
for these type of sectors.
Secondly
, a standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
structure would
be prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for maintaining their standard living style.
Moreover
, world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
academicians would
be appointed
in these sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they ensure an up-to-date higher study environment.

To conclude
, the major problems for the professionals to go abroad
continuously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of facilities and wages where these issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be addressed
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of both governmental and non-governmental organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and work together by installing the modern facilities and incorporating proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children perform better in a single sex school compared to a mixed school v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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