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Many museums charge for admission while other are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweight the disadvantages? v.2

Many museums charge for admission while other are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweight the disadvantages? v. 2
The existence of museums in a country play an irreplaceable role. The museums provide an alternative to society both education and recreation. However, it raised the question about whether the museums should charge an entering fees or give a free pass. From a personal perspective, the entrance fees might survive museums from economic crisis and increase the quality of museums. The museums are a part of public services. We can say beyond any doubt that governments must take this responsibility even though it is a support facilities and is not a major facilities such as schools or hospitals. The parks, for example, are funded by governments that facilitate the citizens in order that people have recreation area in their neighbourhood. In addition, setting retributions might affect a number of visitors. This can be attributed to the fact that people are more economical in this modern era. On holiday season, for instance, almost twice as many people visit parks or beaches than theme parks. Hence, if retributions is implemented, visitors might leave museums as holiday spot in the next day. Apart from those reasons, governments do not have sufficient money to fund everything. There are others aspect which have priority such as education, health, and infrastructure. By way of illustration, primary and secondary schools get huge allocations because it is a foundation of development; besides, there are an increase significantly infrastructure cost in every year. Consequently, the museums get little money of this shares and it will be difficult to survive. Moreover, the museums need extra money. One reason for this is that they need to update the galleries, and provide special guides for improving attractions. Research carried out by survey data center in London shows that the major reason of visitor went to the museum due to new attractions and highly recommended exhibitions. If there is no update features, people will be bored and they leave gradually in spite of its free. Thus, charge for entering will not only enhance the quality of museum but also gain visitors interesting. Having looked at both sides, setting the entrance fees brings essential benefits for museums and visitors outweight the drawbacks.
The existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in a country play an irreplaceable role. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
provide an alternative to society both education and recreation.
However
, it raised the question about whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should charge an entering fees or give a free pass. From a personal perspective, the entrance fees might survive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
from economic crisis and increase the quality of museums.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are a part of public services. We can say beyond any doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take this responsibility
even though
it is a support facilities and is not a major
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "facility"?
facilities
such as schools or hospitals. The parks,
for example
,
are funded
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
that facilitate the citizens in order that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have recreation area in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
In addition
, setting retributions might affect a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. This can
be attributed
to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more economical in this modern era. On holiday season,
for instance
, almost twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit parks or beaches than theme parks.
Hence
, if retributions
is implemented
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as holiday spot in the
next
day.

Apart from those reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not have sufficient money to fund everything. There are others aspect which have priority such as education, health, and infrastructure. By way of illustration, primary and secondary schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
huge allocations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a foundation of development;
besides
, there are an increase
significantly
infrastructure cost in every year.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money of
Did you mean "these"?
this
shares and it will be difficult to survive.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
need extra money. One reason for this is that they need to update the galleries, and provide special guides for improving attractions. Research carried out by survey data center in London
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the major reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
due to new attractions and
highly
recommended exhibitions. If there is no update features,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bored and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
gradually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
free.
Thus
, charge for entering will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
interesting.

Having looked at both sides, setting the entrance fees brings essential benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
the drawbacks.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while other are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweight the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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