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Overpopulation is a major problem in many urban centres around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve the issue of overpopulation? v.1

Overpopulation is a major problem in many urban centres around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve the issue of overpopulation? v. 1
People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past. There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly, life is more complex and difficult, especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever, and without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care. However, I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that people cannot count on relatives as much as they used to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example, many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university, and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology, which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world. In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more, my own view is that we are more independent than ever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays.

In my view, modern life forces us to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in the past.

There are two main reasons why it could
be argued
that we are more dependent on each other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Firstly
, life is more complex and difficult,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of living has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dramatically
.
For example
, young adults tend to rely on their parents for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when buying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Property prices are higher than ever, and without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
it would be impossible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay a deposit and a mortgage.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents
usually
need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.
However
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
these days. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot count on relatives as much as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. We
also
have more freedom to travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from our home towns.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students choose to study abroad
instead
of going to their local university, and this experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
as they learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to work alone and from any part of the world.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
depend on each other more, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is that we are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
than ever.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Overpopulation is a major problem in many urban centres around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve the issue of overpopulation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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