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Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in the recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in the recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for their work. with this statement? v. 1
It is frequently believed that there should be a restriction in the use of mobile phones imposed by Governments which would allow just workers to use their services. The reason why people think this way is because the damages on our health and on social relations are many. I quite agree to this position and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. To begin with, it is commonly concurred that cellular phones have been a revolutionary tool in everyday life. Before, it was more difficult to talk and be in contact with other people. Namely, it is worth pointing out that while people were outdoors, there weren’t many ways to call their families. For instance, in case of emergency, worldwide population was not able to contact their households or the emergency number. As a result, by having a digital phone, we can guarantee easily our safe. Secondly, it is agreed by the majority of societies and governments that the introduction of this device aided the development of the international economy and relations between countries. It is easier to sign international contracts and agreements due to the gradual increase of durable and stable relations between the different parties, facilitated by the mobile phones. On the contrary, according to many people, this tool shows a variety of disadvantages on the singular person and the population in general. Researches has found that the cell phone produce electromagnetic waves, which effects are many. One clear example are the studies conducted on people’s health, which demonstrate that those affect the brain development. In addition, waves also interfere with medical equipment. Others studies showed that people is developing an addition to these devices: as an evidence, it is easier to notice how many people are using their medias while they are at the restaurant. Finally, another clear example is the dramatical increase of the amount of car accidents due to the mobile phone usage. To summarize, the advantages and positive effects on the development of the society and international relations are many and they not should be underestimated. Governments should be able to find a compromise to respond to both requirements, as impose a usage time-limit diary of this tool.
It is
frequently
believed that there should be a restriction in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
imposed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their services. The reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this way is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the damages on our health and on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. I quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this position and my reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
commonly
concurred that cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been a revolutionary tool in everyday life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
, it was more difficult to talk and be in contact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Namely
, it is worth pointing out that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were outdoors, there weren’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to call their families.
For instance
, in case of emergency, worldwide population was not able to contact their households or the emergency number.
As a result
, by having a digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, we can guarantee
easily
our safe.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
by the majority of societies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
that the introduction of this device aided the development of the international economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
between countries. It is easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
international contracts and agreements due to the gradual increase of durable and stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parties, facilitated by the mobile phones.

On the contrary
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this tool
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a variety of disadvantages on the singular person and the population
in general
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "(Researches) has".
Researches has
found that the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
produce electromagnetic waves, which effects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example are the studies conducted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health, which demonstrate that those affect the brain development.
In addition
, waves
also
interfere with medical equipment.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "other studies".
Others studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
developing an addition to these devices: as an evidence, it is easier to notice how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using their medias while they are at the restaurant.
Finally
, another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
increase of the amount of car accidents due to the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage.

To summarize
, the advantages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the development of the society and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
many and
they not should
be underestimated
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should be able to find a compromise to respond to both requirements, as impose a usage time-limit diary of this tool.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in the recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for their work. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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