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Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinion. v.21

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. v. 21
In the last decade, unemployment emerged as one of the top issues across the world. Some people believe that college education gives better opportunities to acquire a job where as few others argue that practical knowledge and interpersonal skills plays a vital role. This essay would succinctly into both the side and would derive at a plausible conclusion. First of all, tertiary education provides theoretical knowledge about a particular field, which is the one of the qualifications expected by the employers. A university graduate could grasp faster in the professional environment because of the specialization obtain from the education. To exemplify, computer science course contains programming languages such as Java that are used widely in the workplace, could assist a person to secure a job offer easily. Moreover, with the increase in job applications, some employers use university qualification as minimum criteria to filter the applicants. However, experience and soft skills play a crucial role in the job market. Some occupations require skill such as innovation and problem-solving skills, which cannot be obtained in graduate schools. For instance, Mark Zuckerberg, who is a college dropout as well as the founder of a world leading social media platform became successful through his experience and skills. In addition to that, these skills become more important when people wants to move forward in their career. In conclusion, finding a job becomes more challenging day by day. Although tertiary education could help job seekers to get a job, practical knowledge is a must to sustain at the work. This essay suggests that both the college education as well as specialized knowledge and skills are necessary to prosper in the career.
In the last decade, unemployment emerged as one of the top issues across the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
gives better opportunities to acquire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
few others argue that practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
plays a vital role. This essay would
succinctly
into both the side and would derive at a plausible conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about a particular field, which is the one of the qualifications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
by the employers. A university graduate could grasp faster in the professional environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the specialization obtain from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To exemplify, computer science course contains programming languages such as Java that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
widely
in the workplace, could assist a person to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer
easily
.
Moreover
, with the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applications,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
university qualification as minimum criteria to filter the applicants.

However
, experience and soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
play a crucial role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
occupations require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
such as innovation and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which cannot
be obtained
in graduate schools.
For instance
, Mark Zuckerberg, who is a college dropout
as well
as the founder of a world leading social media platform became successful through his experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
In addition
to that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward in their career.

In conclusion
, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
becomes more challenging day by day. Although tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
sustain at the work. This essay suggests that both the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are necessary to prosper in the career.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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